Sleeping Dogs

[SirPrizeMe]

Grace, hang in there.
come here any time to talk.
Your daughter sounds like she has inner strength. did she write that note on her own? That's great!

My counselor told me that kids often shy away from these hard subjects, but it's like broccoli. They really need to do it, even if they are scared of the conversation. But gently gently. And slow. Maybe not all in one night. The main thing is to make sure they know it is ok, the way they are feeling (confused, angry, hurt, worried, frustrated, relieved, whatever it is, maybe all of the above) is ok. It's ok to feel that way, and it's ok to talk about it. It's not a secret and it's not shameful that they feel this way. It's not their fault, and they don't deserve it, but you will stick by them, you will stay together and work it out.

[Andabelle]

Grace,

I just caught up on your thread. The fact that all the while you were being so kind and encouraging to me and a gazillion others here, you were simultaneously dealing with this sh*t, completely blows my mind! You are a remarkable woman and mother. I will keep you in my prayers.

[missmyfriend]

Grace, if you have this kind of impact on so many people on this board, I cannot even fathom how awesome you must be as a wife and a mother.

Grace, what would you tell me to do if I was asking you for advice?

[ba065]

Grace:

Just a quick note to tell you I am thinking about you. I'm sorry things have turned into such a muck....You are a wonderful, gracious human being full of goodness and kindness. Be good to yourself and the kids.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

BA

[Broken Tree]

Your a great lady Grace. I feel so bad for what you are going through. My prayers are with you.

[kikifree]

Hi Grace..i just caught up on your thread.

I think he has to go through this part. It has brought movement , which in my opinion, you guys need. Now it is going to get a little tougher but you are strong enough to do it.

I do not think you are emotionally shut down. I think you are very AWARE of what is going on with H and are not acting out on your emotions.

I personally think that is great.

Just keep being you and the great mom you are. Tell your D's this is something daddy has to do.

You know all of the process i think you are going to be better than ok.
Hugs to you, my dear.

[Grace_O]

Again, I am so touched by all your thoughts and comments.

Sir,
Yep, she wrote that all by herself. I have put my best effort into not saying anything mean or bad about their Dad to them (and I think I've done really well). I encourage them to talk with him about anything. I'm putting alot of effort into getting them to open up to me or him. I don't care who, I just want them to be heard.

mmf,
I think I would tell you to be still and do something to calm your nerves (you know me, talk a walk or work out ). I'd also tell you to be patient and work on GAL and letting go. All things I need to do and I'm wotking it the best I know how.

kiki, Thanks for thinking I'm aware of my emotions. I'm not completely sure I agree, but I'll take the vote of confidence.


Tonight I had a problem with D13 regarding her grades. She's doing really poorly in 3 classes. I know part of it is b/c of this mess and her fears that she's not talking about. I also know part of it is laziness. I was frustrated and told her I was b/c she just doesn't do come assignments and when I ask if her homework is done she's lied to me. I've asked her to help come up with a solution. Right now it includes my checking everything, everynight, but if it isn't written down....
So anyway, she leaves the room and she's upset (I didn't yell at her or anything, but I did voice my frustration). A few minutes later I see her talking with H. I ask her (after they've finished talking) if she feels better and she say yes. At least he stepped up and talked to her (this time).

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to keep him in the loop without making him feel guilty. I keep it simple and just state the facts. If anyone has any other suggestions, I'm all ears.

Thank you all.

[Gman3388]

Hello Gracie,
((((((((((((((((((big flippin hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry Hun. I'm sorry to hear that H found a place.
Sometimes I wish there was a way to do a Vulcan mind meld to see just what the hell is going on in their little world.
You and your D13 are both strong ladies. I see where she gets it from
As far as her grades maybe a counselor might be in order?
I'm not saying medication is the route but maybe another person to talk to might help?
Your in my prayers today Hun......
((((HUGS))))))))

[gsr1]

Grace

Gman might have a point about counselor or just someone else to express their thoughts with other than the 2 of you it may help, I know it helped my daughter through her depression last year, and unfortunately both my kids will probably need to go back bc of this mess.

Vulcan mind meld, thats great I wish I could do that or maybe not don't really want to know anything about OW. Anyway I knew sooner or later I find a trekkie here.

Hugs,

gsr1

[Grace_O]

I have talked to the girls about a C and my D15 is adamant she's fine and doesn't need/want anyone to talk to. D13 might go there, but is likey to follow older sisters lead.

Part of the problem (ok, probably the whole problem for them) is that this is still not out in the open. I think it will happen fairly soon though (plan to speak to DB coach re this today). Once he's moved in (this Saturday) and esp if he has or when he gets a f*** buddy, I'm sure the weekends at home will slow down and/or stop. I also wonder if he needs to be out of the house before we talk to the girls clearly about what's happening b/c he doesn't want to have to look at them (translation: I'll talk with them as long as I can run away.....) and see their pain. Coward.

I don't know and it doesn't matter. At least he talking to them more for the moment. I keep talking to them and I keep it light and easy about most things. The grades are frustrating and when I make suggestions and ask them to help find solutions, I'm generally met with a stonewall. Oh well, patience in all things.