T, First of all, I apologize if my first reply seemed to not take this seriously. I do. I also know that even after my H filed he was checking my phone. And, no, it wasn't to get something "on" me.
Like you said, your house is not a pigsty. So, in that case, you shouldn't worry about him finding something that he could use against you. Is he seriously going to tell the judge that you have a messy closet or two?
I would recommend against locking any doors. I would remove the things you feel you should to a friend's house and be done with it. I seriously think that him staying in the family home is the best option.
This is just my opinion. I am just trying to alleviate some of your anxiousness regarding this situation. Only you know what you can handle. If this is too much for you, then tell him no.
I don't think it would hurt him to see some of the things that have fallen into disrepair. If he doesn't have a heart, well, he should at least have brains enough to know that it is in his best interest to keep the house up.
I understand that you don't want to feel attacked anymore. Sweetie, this is in your control. You know if you are doing the best that you can. If you are, so be it. Don't let him tell you any differently. If it is true that you could stand to do more around the house, then do it. I know that sounds so simple, but it is really the best advice out there. When I was able to live by the words, "You know the truth, it doesn't matter what others think," my life got tons easier.
It is not easy to take care of a huge house and children, and to be under the stress that you are under. It can't be perfect, T! Just do your best and learn to be ok with it. It is not a messy house that made him leave, anyway.
