I am so confused, not sure what hand I am playing

[Snow White]

neecy,

Think long and hard about what YOU want, and when you figure that out, work on a plan to get yourself there. Set some small, realistic goals before going for any bigger ones. Focus on you, and get your confidence back.

This doesn't seem like it should be as hard as it is. But everytime I try to come up with a sentance about what I want it involves something my H needs to do or not do. I know that I cannot change him or his decisions, but man have I tried!
I would like to be the mother to my daughter I have been in the past instead of the mess that I am today. I would like to be able to turn on the radio - I haven't done that in at least a month because every song gets me worked up. And as much as I appreciate the reponses on this board, I need to be able to get up and walk away, most of the day saturday I sat refreshing hoping someone would respond. Other people that feel like I do, or at the very least can empathize.