I am so confused, not sure what hand I am playing

[Snow White]

Neecy,
I didn't say you were wasting OUR time, I said you were wasting YOURS. Puppy

I read what you said clearly and I didn't mean to insinuate that you felt you were wasting your time. I appreciate all the support. I was appologizing because I felt like that is what I was doing. After I read the DB book I thought I was doing a great job, but at that point any "intell" I was doing also showed that my H was following what I had asked. When it came to light that he was not following what i had asked, in a quick series of discoveries, day after day, that is when the wheels fell off the wagon. I read on another thread something you wrote about painting yourself into a corner.
I have made threats I have not backed up.

Maybe my threats were too large - like if this does not happen I am leaving. (well I actually did leave but then came back in 2 days only to discover him contacting her again) I wasn't packing my daughter up again 2 days later, she is struggling with this too, I need different methods to set my boundaries. And I guess that #1 is closing up shop on the lm. I mentioned before that this helped me feel close and that is why I continued. But as you have all mentioned I am only hurting the long term process. The month that the actual incident took place between my H and the ow he did not touch me once. I don't know if it was guilt, and if it was he seems to be living life guilt free now, maybe it is because i have allowed him that.