Ok update since yesturday...I will have to give the condensed version, because I am at work and don't have much time, but its worth while to get this out.
OK last night after I posted, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, and felt I could not talk to H about it because I didn't want him to find out about the A. So I made up an excuess to get out of the house and go over to OM(I know this is VERY BAD). H called while I was over there and even drove by, EEK. Now that I think about it I really don't know why I did go over there because all that I accomplished was getting myself back into trouble. Ask OM to think about taking me back(even worst), which he desided that he would under a couple conditions, first and for most that I would leave H, and that I would have to work on getting his trust back. I agreed to those conditions and thought all was good again...UNTIL... I got home.
H asked what I went over there to talk to OM about, I flat out told him, to talk about leaving you.(ouch!!) H of course did all the wrong things, but we did talk, ALOT. About alot of the things that have been bothering me about our R. And YES he does know about the A, that came out in our talk, and fully knows about everything. There were a couple of good things about last night, D was not home, they are off school today and she spent the night at my mom and dads. And we are staying together and working on our R to get it back to what we had before.
Now there was one thing that happened last night that I told him that he needs to give it a little bit more thought, and not make a decsion on a whim. He wants to get out of racing, period. Sell all of his stuff and get out of it. He knew what it was doing to us and our family but last night really made him think about it. I was like I think Joie said, it was a 911 wake up call.
H of course is going through all of the anger and sadness right now so he is not the greatest guy to be around but I know it is the process that he needs to get through before we start working on our R. We have C appt on Wednesday but I told him that he needs to go to a couple alone for him to get his head back on straight and let the C deside when its OK for me to come back into the sessions with him. I have a C appt on Tuseday, which was a reschdule from last week Wednesday. I think that if I would not have been reschuled I would have been able to deal with this whole sitch a bit better than I did.
There is one thing that H is having a hard time getting around. That when I came home from OM house I was ready to leave him again, and in the couple hours that we talked I was not agian. He said that he is going to have to learn to trust me again. Which I completely understand, I had to with him. Funny thing about this is he is helping me with the problem of having to break up with OM and I am helping through the process of dealing with finding out about the A.
Ok this is a bit longer that I thought but I got it all out there.
