Battlefield of the mind..part 2

[LoginName]

Cat,
I'm so sorry. You sound strong. I know it still hurts, maybe in a different way. I'm sorry for your pain.

Do what you need to do. I'll (we'll) support you.

Ok folks, its over, truly it is.

It maybe. Maybe not though. How's this for an idea... say it's over. Separate financially, work out visitation, child support, etc., but leave it to him to file for divorce and do all that work. See what happens. Would you have anything to lose by doing this? I don't think so. Just some time. And in the current situation, taking time to make ANY decision, even about a haircut or new shoes, is a good idea.

feels he made a mistake by marrying me

This is MLC talk. My W gave it to me. Justifying to himself why he is doinng this. It's real to him, but it doesn't mean it's real. You're M wasn't a mistake, or a lie. Your memory is true. You and he did have good times. He did care for you. He can't change that just by saying it wasn't. The sky is still blue, even if he calls it red. Try hard to let this go. Let it go.

I dont' want to harbor hope

You dont' have to. You can really detach now. You can really find that space that you need. Mentally, it is over. Time to work on you more. You'll still grieve. You'll still get angry, sad, hurt. You'll have to go through the whole process. No telling how fast it will go. You'll just have to go through it. You've got no choice. Feel it, don't hide from it. It's yours. You can, have and will handle it.

Maybe this is my personality coming through, but nail down your finances so that he can't mess that up. Get a lawyer if you need to. If you can do it without a lawyer, that's probably better. But protect yourself.

I sense you already feel that strength of mentally ending the M/R, and moving on. You will feel stronger, and freer.

Some general advice: let go of the things you can't control. Don't think about them. Let it go. Take control of what you can, and make it work. Be positive, because it is. The future is bright. You're in charge. You get to choose.