Bombs keep dropping - not meant to be??

[Jen_Jam]

IP - calm down lass! You're pregnant and those hormones are BUZZING! (not that I would know, never been pregnant myself, but it's what I hear)

First of all, you are backsliding. You aren't failing, you are backsliding. Don't make the mistake I did and think a backslide is the end, it's not.

Secondly, some things you have said:
"I was so stupid to think that this time I could do it without going crazy and driving my husband away"
You are not stupid. NEVER tell yourself that.


" stupidly said I thought we should split because I had tried telling him in so many ways how unloved and lonely and down I was feeling and he hasn't really done anything to show more love etc "
have you been specific with him? have you spelt out EXACTLY what he needs to do? If so, have you identified the times he got it right or are you putting all your focus on the negative? Try putting in the 80/20 rule - if H gets it right 80% of the time then allow the 20% when he doesn't get it right to slide.

"My hormones have turned me into the horrible snappy person I was before and he has reacted the same as before."
This is good - you have identified your "more of the same" behaviour. It only takes one person to break this cycle.

"It makes me suspicious"
No - you choose to be suspicious. You're forgetting that for each situation there are usually several different explainations.

"His response was not "please don't say that I love you so much, didn't realise blah blah blah" like I expected. No, it was "if you want me to go I will and maybe you're right, I'm not sure if I love you enough to do all the things you need."
again - have you specified what you want and are you noticing the positives. It looks to me like your H may feel he cannot "win", that whatever good he does you will still focus on the negative. I doubt he wants to get a D, but he may feel clueless on what to do. Tell him - spell it out, even to the point of "two backrubs per week" (for example)

IP, here is the tough bit. I know it's all up and down at the moment for you, but please consider getting some individual C sessions. You seem to have a problem with low self esteem, it's time that was dealt with or it will keep coming back again and again. There is no shame in talking to someone about it, I did. One of the best things I ever did.

But all in all, Don't panic! I reckon your H will just put this down to your pregnancy hormones, I don't see anything messed up here, but you will need to get a handle on your self esteem at some point.

What do you think?