BT, she's trying to hurt you because it helps her detach and she can use your reactions to justify her feelings and actions. When the guilt gets to be too much for her, she'll do something nice for you so she can tell herself that she's really a good person. That's where the rollercoaster ride comes from. You have to get off the ride, detach, and avoid reacting to the things she says. Keep a calm, cool, cheerful demeanor. If you react to her vile spews, you're giving her just what she needs.
As far as telling you she needed to get loaded to ML...well..I know how you feel. Back in an old thread, probably long deleted, is a good story. One day my wife decided she wanted me to make some tastefull nude portraits of her (I'm a serious amatuer photographer). "Cool", I thought, maybe this is hint. So after about an hour of her cavorting around naked on the bed as I snapped away, testosterone overcame my common sense, and I playfully asked my wife if she would like to go for a little romp. Her response: "Making love with you right now would make me feel like a wh@re."
I would rate that moment as one of the top three single most horrible moments of my life. I sat down on the floor, in total shock. I have never, ever, wanted to die, never even contemplated suicide, but at that moment, I wanted to die. Whether by a sudden stroke, heart attack, seizure, or a lightening bolt from the almighty, I wanted to die. I sat on the floor for 15 minutes while she got dressed and prayed for it to happen.
It gets better. Her motive for the pictures was to prove to herself and others that even though she was a 50 year old grandma, she was still pretty hot. So as if the whole photo session thing wasn't enough pain, she harangued me to photoshop the crap out of the pictures until she looked like a Vicky's Secret model. It was a real treat, spending hours in front of the computer looking at nude pictures of the wife who wouldn't let me touch her.
So I know how you feel. Use that negative energy to help you detach.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
