Yes doing well. Things have improved greatly between my wife and me. She's still in a very, very different place than me. This past Wednesday when I picked up the girls I just went to her and apologized once again for my horrible comments from the Friday before. I also for the first time asked for her forgiveness. For all the mistakes I've made as a husband, a friend and a father. I told her no I never intended to make them but I know I made them and am actively make amends for them. This I think really helped melt a lot of the anger she'd built up in the last 45 or so days. She acknowledged that she knew it was from my heart and without agenda but did say it would take a lot to change things. She right now, as she's said before, can only work on being friends. My comment back was I have always viewed her as a friend and ask that she treat me like the good friend she wants, no cold shoulder, no dismissiveness, etc.
Of course earlier in the evening on Wed I told her I needed access to our house this Friday and Saturday because I was moving on Saturday into a new apartment. She was pretty angry at that point from the previous Friday's blow up. But it seemed my asking for access to get my things angered her even more. I don't know for sure and won't speculate any further.
Bottom line here is she isn't willing to completely let go but she's not wanting to reconcile or consider it right now either. So I must move forward for myself. If she doesn't like it then that's her issue to deal with not mine.
Last night we had dinner and talked about the summer schedule, man having to coordinate everything like this sucks. As I went to leave I again told her my thoughts and reiterated where I am at. This all because once again we clearly were really enjoying just being together! She would like to do things like this more but without any goal in mind. I told her I understand but we both need to realize if we continue to shoot at nothing we'll hit it every time.
OK that all said I will now admit I am questioning whether or not this relationship is worth salvaging. Some time back I wrote down all the qualities and things I wanted in a partner, put it in my wallet and forgot about it. Recently I happened on it again and looked at it. Honestly I'm not certain she meets enough of those points. Another thing, in this whole process of being separated I have gotten much clearer about what my wants and desires are, what my life goals are now. She's nowhere near developing that and I'm not sure I am willing to wait for her to figure it all out. (See comment above about shooting for goals)
So that's where it stands, I'm continuing to move forward with my life. Yes I'd like for us to be clearer about where we are going but I'm not letting that lack of direction control the rest of my life.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
