MLC came to my house...

[tpaschal]

Ok question....anyone else's darling midlifer tell them that "they didnt love them for 7 no 10 no wait 15 no no no wait I never loved you" and then I asked "what about the great anniversary cards and etc etc etc etc" to have him say " Oh I faked it" Sigh.

Anyone? Please tell me I'm not alone..I think Treese told me her H said this to her too?

Ohhh and he told me that since he left me a "black cloud" has been lifted from him...I was a black cloud? Huh? Black does happen to be my best color...had he said gray now THAT would have been a differant story...

Sandy,

Yes, my H has said these exact same things to me. And worse. Told me on the weekend of the "bomb" that he wished I would get breast cancer and die. Then a few months later I did have an abnormal mammogram and had to have a biopsy. I called him crying, told him he might get his wish after all. He was vaguely concerned and caring, from a distance, but never apologized for the incredibly hurtful and nasty remark.

And once when I told him (I know, bad DB'ing, but I hadn't discovered the books yet) that I really believed that this was a spiritual crisis and that Satan had a hand in the situation, but it was up to H whether or not he turned toward God or continued to let Satan take control, H told me that it was Satan that led him to me back when we were 18, and that he never should have married me.

And, yes, I've also heard the black cloud thing. He's gone from saying he was unhappy for a couple of years, to 5, to 10, and most recently to 14. Our oldest daughter is about to be 14. Your think she can't put two and two together, and figure out that her dad is saying he's been unhappy since she came along? Or course she can!

Nice, yes? And this was the guy who was so loving, so caring---brought me flowers "just because," rubbed my back, would trade food with me at a restaurant if my order was weird, etc., etc. He showed in hundreds of little ways how much he loved me and the kids.

Now he can't even be bothered to come over and check on the kids if they are sick or injured. (He is a doctor.) S9 fell on the backyard playfort this weekend, hit the ladder HARD, and I was afraid he might even have a cracked rib. I left 2 VM's for H, his mom talked to him once and asked him about it, and he told her he would call me. I took S9 to his game and he cheered on his teammates for the first 1/2. H finally showed up at halftime and checked him out, and S9 played for part of the 2nd 1/2 and was fine. H watched for 10 minutes and then left, without staying for the end of the game and without saying anything else to his son. <sigh>

Yes, my H also seems to have a vendetta. Or at least he swings back and forth between being Mr. Nasty and Mr. Sorta/Kinda-Nice-Guy-If-It-Suits-My-Purpose.

You know, it sounds like they must have a manual that they pass back and forth between themselves. The sections must have titles like:

How to be Hateful
Nasty Comments Sure to Wound
100 Ways to Hurt Her Feelings
101 Ways to Show You Don't Care
How to Make Your Spouse Angry Enough to Stop Standing
Pretend to Be Nice to Get What You Want

Seriously! I've heard the same comments over and over and over from so many different people on these boards, and from women I know in my area who have gone or are going through the same situation. It's uncanny!

Oh and I love my H dearly and miss him terribly ..the OLD guy he was not this new version. This new version sucks!!! ( can I say that?) Anywho...as much as I miss the guy and am counting the days till he comes back to us, I'm listing the POSITIVE things about having him gone..such as...

Less laundry.
None of his body hair all over bathrrom floor.
Toilet seat up/down is a non issue.
I have been able to clean out his old manuals that he will never use and has been holding onto forever. They are gone.

Of course I would trade all of these things in a heartbeat to have him back home,smiling, happy,loving and joking around.

Right there with you, Sandy, right there with you.