Meredith..your 5 years continuned.

[cagzmom]

I think that's the problem. I have a problem remembering that the good guy was in the PAST. The man that's here now is NOT a good guy, he is the MLC monster.

Hello fellow control freak

What really struck me when my C said that was two things. 1 was that as SOON as he said "he isn't good for you.. my mind started thinking he is kind, compassionate bla bla bla. Then 2) Well if he isn't good for me why does SHE get to have him? How come he is bad for me and not for her...." See how our MINDS mess with things?

He is not good for me because of SIMPLE things. AND THAT is what is helping me. (ok so I have had a bad night and early day as my MIND doesn't want to accept this) BUT What is helping ME is this...

1) HE has NO DESIRE to be truly committed, even to OW. He states that one he is never getting married again...(doesn't want to get divorced again) and that he is not going to put up with S*** anymore.. if she goes or stays I think YES it matters right now..but he has made the turn on her. I remember it from when we dated. It is the turn where "She is to come to him" not the other way around....and she will.
2) He will not be held accountable to anyone.

I can't remember what else but those two things ARE FUNDAMENTAL to relationships. AND FOR THAT HE IS NOT GOOD FOR ME. Because it is what I DESERVE. AND IN THAT HE IS NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE. Until HE deals with his stuff he is unhealthy for anyone.

I have a question---what do you mean that you see him in the same light that the OW sees him? Do you mean because he's being charming and wonderful to her, the way he used to be with you?

Because I view him in the old light yes. I see that I LOST and SHE GAINED. She "got" him. I lost him. IT IS CHANGING but it isn't happening as fast as I would like.

And maybe I missed a few posts---what self centered comments did your H make about his relationship with the OW? Do you mean about it not being about her? Just want to make sure I'm understanding where you are coming from!

Selfcentered thought from H:
1)they were "off" over Valentines day..he says "I didn't have to buy her anything, do antyhign..nothing." I said so you didn't have to BS your way through Vday and he said NOPE. PRETTY self centered when you (I) know that bimbo as much as i don't like her was probably pretty sad. (REMEMBER ITS ALL ABOUT HIM!)
2)now he has made a descion to really live at his apt. I am sure there is more to the story..and I still think ow will move in BUT he said "If I am not at my place I am no where...." which means bimbo has to come to him. (again atypical of how he works)

Just other stupid stuff.

I like your counselor. He makes some great points.

I feel very blessed. He is a young guy and my kids and I all go. He has been a blessing...