Reclaiming myself and my life - 3

[saffie]

Out of interest Frank, when your girls tell you things about your W do you actually agree with them or just listen?

Anyway, I'm ok right now. I feel much more empowered because my daughters once again see me as 'grounded' and they see W as somewhat selfish. I would be so much happier if W and I were both grounded at the same time. It's interesting that when the girls and I do things and exclude her she seems unhappy about it.

That paragraph just jumped out at me. I can see why it made you feel good but your D's should also not be able to get inbetween you and your W or be put in the position where they could become pawns in a power struggle. I am not saying that IS what you are doing but I could see that it could head that way. When my H had his A, much though I often felt like telling the kids how awful he was and a bad person for what he had done, ( and I do think they would have followed my lead; at least in the beginning), I bit my tongue because which ever way things fell; eventually, H and I were going to have to be nice to one another and back each other up with the children. Whichever way it turned out we would still have to parent together.

I can understand totally why your W is unhappy when you and the girls do something that excludes her - you seem to her to be 'winning' the girls over when that happens and I expect and it makes her feel like the bad guy. I expect she is thinking that they just don't understand how she feels etc. and it makes her feel very lonely.