I think, bit by bit, my resolve was chipped away at, but there were a few "lightbulb" moments that led to the BIG lightbulb flash!
At the time, he was living across the road from me, and next door to my Mum, bold as brass, in my childhood home that had been renovated for US to live in (its complicated, there are many threads here somewhere about it all though)and was very "in my face" 24 hours a day. I do have a bit of a fiery temper (any oldies on here will remember the hacksaw incident..haha) and one evening Id had enough of him flaunting himself in MY house, and I went over. A big argument happened that ended up with him pushing me down a flight of concrete steps, and that was the beginning of the end of DBing for me.

Then our day "in court", that was terrible...my poor Mum had to testify and was ripped to shreds by his Barrister, so much so that both CD and me tried to stop the Barrister. My Mum was in her late seventies and not in good health, and it broke my heart to see her going through that. I remember looking at CD and thinking "You REALLY are a wanker arnt you!" (scuse my language, )

But the BIG lightbulb flashed when he asked me to take him back, believe it or not! He was crying, begging me to forgive everything he,d done to us all, and all I felt was pity. Pity that he,d blown everything, I felt sorry for him, felt no anger (for a change)just sad. And when I told him "Im sorry, but its too late, I dont love you in that way anymore", I suddenly realised it wasnt just words, and that I meant it!

I dont feel any anger for him now, even after all he,s done, but I do feel sad sometimes, for him, not for me, and for the kids. I dont hate him. But I do still sometimes get moments when I smile to myself at how his life is now, sometimes its good to have a chuckle at Karma

I think the key to knowing that you are really over someone, is when you pretty much feel indifferent to them. If you hate them, you still have too many feelings for them, I think.

Honestly, this man almost destroyed me, and had the power to hurt me with even tiny things, but when I found out (not long ago) that he had had a baby, all I felt was mild annoyance that he hadnt told the kids himself, they had to find out by accident (and he was here a few days before and said nothing! A coward to the last.)

So I think we get chipped away at, over and over, and although its painfull, its gradually setting us up for our big lightbulb moment, and when that finally comes, sometimes its as much of a shock to us as it is to the MLCer.

He still asks me to take him back sometimes, but I think its only now, in this last few months, that its hit him. He,s certainly different.

On my birthday he sent me an e.mail wishing me a happy day, saying if ever anyone deserves happiness its me and that I,ll always be special to him. Then he asked me where I was going to celebrate, because if I was going to our local nightclub, he would go there, he,d love to see me and buy me a few birthday drinks. So I told him yes, I was going there. I wasnt, and had no intention of going there, but I knew he,d then spend half the night watching the door or looking out for me ;\) (which he did) so even though I dont wish any ill on him, like I said its still amusing sometimes to have a bit of fun with Karma