I left some of my bills with H name on -was fine til I had phone bill problem,they wouldn,t deal with me as H name was on bill but I had paid it for years. Similar thing with my TV license when I moved- I got it sorted eventually but wished I had done it sooner. I had no problems changing utilities or broadband etc. Something to think of. With other post that came I just re addressed it and put it back in post box-he always got it. Junk mail I just wrote not known at this address and eventually it stopped coming. I never lost any services changing over the problems arose when I needed to query things.
I've already experienced a lot of problems with this Naej especially with the telephone and broadband (nearly sent me over the edge). The council also screwed up the change of name. I wouldn't mine but Hs first initial is the same as mine so all they had to do was change Mr to Mrs. Just changed water bill today (that was the easiest!). TV said I could only do it in the month that direct debit is renewed (May). Seems a bit ludicrous but there you go that's english buraucray (sp?) for you.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I've just been clearing unwanted documents off my memory stick. I came across the journals that I wrote in the first 5 weeks after H left. I didn't read all of them b/c it was too upsetting but the ones I did read evoked all of that emotion all over again. However, the one thing that I did get out of reading them was the anger and pure venom in them. I wrote them as if I were talking to my H. The first couple of weeks I sent copies to my H foolishly believing they would bring him home (as a similar tatic had worked when he left before). I know he read at least the first one and having read some of it back I can see why it would've had the opposite effect.
I stopped writing these journals after 5 weeks b/c that's when I discovered this site and I have journalled here instead. I've written H a fair few letters but never sent any of them (except one where I asked for his forgiveness for my part in the destruction of our M). I write them less prolifically now but always at times when all I want to do is talk to him and hold him.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would still be here over two years later, still w/o H in my life and still with so very little hope of ever reversing that trend.
I don't know how I would've coped w/o all your love and support during this time so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I know how you feel, ACJ! I am so grateful for the people on this bb. I would be divorced by now, if it weren't for them because I am a very impatient and impulsive person. The wonderful people on this bb made me stop and think before acting impulsively. Thank goodness Michele wrote the books and got this bb started!!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I've had my parents here this weekend and it was good.
My dad bless him finished decorating my new porch and my mum and I went to a craft fair today. We had a really nice time.
After a convo with the girls last night it seems like H is trying to use them as pawns again. They told me a while ago that he had invited them to breakfast on 2nd March. I didn't think much about it at the time and neither did they. It was only when I was telling my mum that our visit to the craft fair today was my treat for Mother's Day (she goes on holiday on Thurs so won't be here) that the girls realised that this was the day H had invited them.
I said nothing but they had plenty to say!!!!!!!! They both decided there and then that they wouldn't be going. I said they weren't to not go just b/c it was Mother's Day. My own mum objected to this and said they should be with me on that day but I pointed out it was only for breakfast. The girls re-iterated that they wouldn't be going.
About half an hour ago I asked S15 if the girls had shared thier decision with him and he said no and asked why they weren't going.I told him it was b/c it is Mother's Day. He asked if I minded if he went. I told him that was his decision to make. He asked me again if I would be bothered if he went and I repeated what I already said. Then he went upstairs and siad he had just given me the chance to say I didn't want him to go. I pointed out that it could also be construed that I had told him I didn't want him to go. I still don't know what he will do. I will be very hurt if he goes but will not say anything.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Oh Ali. I know how hard that is. Every bit of you wants to tell S15 that you don't want him to go but you want him to make that decision. I think you should sit down with him and explain that he is old enough to make his own decisions on things like this but that you would very much like him to be with you on mothers day. As you say it is only breakfast and not all day.
I think you should sit down with him and explain that he is old enough to make his own decisions on things like this
This is pretty much the basis from which I approached my convo with him a couple of weeks ago when I decided to stop trying to control when they saw H. My S15 in particular whilst wanting to be independent does not like to be completely left to his own decisions (hence why he goes w/o food if I am not around to cook it for him). This may sound cruel but this is one of those times that he has to make that decision for himself. If he goes to breakfast with H I will be bitterly disappointed BUT I'm not going to hold it against my son (as I may have done in the past). If however he ends up staying all day with H as he invariably does when they get together in this way then I might have to voice my unhappiness to them both.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I would be CRUSHED if my son spent all day with the x instead of spending part of it with me.
I'm not sure I could handle and ENTIRE day with him Hehehe....but give up something eh?!
How woud you go about voiceing your displeasure?
Me, being overly spontaneous and a bit of a temper would have his stuff nicely packed and when they drove up, would have it all gift wrapped on the curb. Attached would be a "Happy Fathers Day" card, "It's a boy" cigar, lol, I started to say include some directions on taking care of his new son, but uhm...let him figure it out!
I hate to see them being mean to you! Gasp!
Yeah, let him make his own decision Allson. He's old enough. He knows how to manipulate big time. He is his Fathers son.
Stand firm on how you decide to handle it!
Hugs to you!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
well as I am traditionally a nag and a controller I would do my best do neither of these things. To S15 I will probably just tell him how disappointed I am by his actions and leave it at that. To H I'll probably try to pre-empt it happening by reminding him when he comes to pick S15 up (assuming he goes) that it is Mother's Day and therefore I would appreciate it if he didn't keep him all day at his house.
I'm probably on a hiding to nothing with both of them so I'm trying to get my frustrations out now before it happens so that I can behave in a more civilised way when it does!!!!!!!!1
H always told me I worried too much about things before they happened but I think in this case it might be a good way to go
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Alison, I know you want your son to make up his own mind on the breakfast thing but I think your son was wanting you to be more open with him as to how you really felt from what he replied.
"Then he went upstairs and siad he had just given me the chance to say I didn't want him to go. I pointed out that it could also be construed that I had told him I didn't want him to go. I still don't know what he will do. I will be very hurt if he goes but will not say anything." I know you said you wont hold it against him IF he goes but I think the reality may be different IF he does go--you may not mean to but your body and facial language will give it away especially as your daughters have decided against going. I cannot see why you couldn,t have just said I would really like you to spend the whole day with me but if you just go for breakfast and come home after thats fine, but it's up to you. All the repeating and then to say it could be construed as meaning that you didn't want him to go IMO was uneccessary, more like what the old AJC would have said. Boys are not on the same page as daughters when it comes to things like Mothers day. What will you be doing for the day if he goes or if he stays. Don't make it an issue or a son v daughters debate. After all he probably wouldn,t get out of bed til lunch regardless of the day. This is just my opinion having sons and a daughter.
