Partner left after 9 years - now we're friends??

[AliSuddenly]

Hi everyone. Well I wish I could have all of your optimism! And I am always an optimistic person in most situatuons, but not in this one. I think it is a telling sign, after 4 months of him deciding its over (and longer than that since he first started to feel unsure about us, maybe 8 months?)...that when he feels low, he goes back home. And I did offer in a text message that he could phone if he wanted a chat, and he didnt phone. Also, he had said Friday, speak over the weekend perhaps? And we didnt.

I guess from an outside perspective, that where we have got to now from NC, looks amazing, things are on the up. But it depends why he is contacting me!? I wonder if it isnt just to appease his guilt, or maybe its because he is lonely and struggling, or maybe he does miss my company and friendship (he said after the bomb that yes part of him missed me, but not enough, that he didnt miss "us".). He said that in November, or early December, so a while ago, when things were very difficult between us.

Its interesting that you all see it as positive and, yes, take it slow and dont get your hopes up, but that he seems to be coming back toward me. But I just cant seem to view it like that. A few jokey text messages is all, he's never broached any kind of feelings or R talk since December (and that was me bringing it up!). I am amazed that he admitted to me that he was low. And now I am wondering if I shouldnt have been more compassionate and asked "why are you low?", but that goes against DBing right?

I dont have any answers and am just thinking aloud. I have missed him so much this weekend and found it very very hard. And I havent seen him this week and am away tommorow. So another week goes by.

Ali