D17 and I went for a drive this evening. She was pretty annoyed because W had taken her cd's out of the car cd changer and put in hers, which D17 says are 'depressing'. I did notice a lot of old 80's songs, love songs, other stuff. It actually WAS depressing.
D17 told me she has been confiding in her ex boyfriends mother about our situation because she needed someone to talk to. She asked me not to tell W because "W would get upset and think she's a bad mom". I told her I wouldn't and that I was glad she had a wise adult she could talk to besides me. I asked her why she told ME this and she said "because I knew you wouldn't get upset".
She also told me that W had promised to take her out to look for jobs and other things and ended up scheduling massages or just forgetting. She's kind of unhappy with W not being there when she says she will be.
When we got home around 8pm dinner was made, a 'mexican chef salad'. BUT D17 doesn't eat meat and it had meat in it. W knows this and only made one salad and put the meat in it. She KNOWS D17 doesn't eat meat and usually she puts the meat on the side and whomever wants it adds it themself. D17 was upset and hungry so I got the fixings from the fridge and made her her own salad. W came downstairs and saw what was going on and apologized.
I went to my office to check up on e-mail and W came in and asked me about 'talking to D12 about the divorce'. I said that we were supposed to do that Saturday but W didn't come home during the day and she said she got another massage so she couldn't come home. So, I told her that I didn't think 8pm on a Sunday night was a good time to talk to her. She started to go off on 'well when are we going to, we can't put it off forever'. I told her that it seems important to her, so we can talk to D12 whenever W feels we should.
I said "I'm not in any hurry to break my daughters heart".
She started to tear up and said "I don't want to either, I wish I didn't have to do it. I guess I want to put it off as long as possible. I guess we can wait"
She was hurt and angry, then she left the room.
About 15 minutes later D17 told me she had to make a 'traditional' food for school tomorrow (Pirogies). She had arranged with W to do that this evening but W was watching a movie in the bedroom and D17 just decided she didn't seem to care and asked me to help her. I asked her about mom helping and she said "She doesn't seem to care, she's watching a movie".
So, I helped her. W came downstairs and was 'oh, I thought you wanted me to help?' and D17 said 'you looked like you were busy so I asked Dad to help'. W started to explain but D17 didn't react.
She went back to the bedroom. I noticed that she had drank a glass of wine tonight. No big deal but she did last night too. She only does that when she is in some emotions lately.
Well, D17 and I made the food she needed and D12 came into the kitchen and wanted to make some too. So we did that also and had some fun. W came in a few times and wasn't ignored (except by me) but wasn't participating either. The kids weren't rejecting her, they just didn't care.
A little later I went upstairs to get ready for bed and she walked by me while I only had pants on and no shirt and smiled and said 'hey there skinny!'. I've lost about 10 pounds in the past couple months and look better. I didn't respond to her comment. I was also stretching and my neck hurts, so I said 'ow'. She asked me what hurt and I said 'my neck'. So she says 'do you want me to squeeze it for you?' and of course I said "No thank you". Kind of a bummer because it does hurt, but divorcing means not being friends.
I've been nice enough, and in all these events I've been 'firm' or 'matter of fact'. Yeah, this DOES suck that D12 is more sensitive than D17 and will be devastated that we're going through this AGAIN. WE could stop this but W has her 'plan' and it must be implemented! And her stupid friends have no clue about the reality of our marriage or W's life so they encourage her. Woo Hoo!
Anyway, I'm ok right now. I feel much more empowered because my daughters once again see me as 'grounded' and they see W as somewhat selfish. I would be so much happier if W and I were both grounded at the same time. It's interesting that when the girls and I do things and exclude her she seems unhappy about it.
