Hi, neecy. I looked up your first post, and you stated that your H's biggest issue is he feels you are too controlling. Is that right?

Regarding your calls to H when he's not home on time, how do you typically approach him when he does answer or call back? What is your demeanor? Are you confrontational? Interrogative? Genuinely concerned?

What other areas could he also feel 'controlled' in? When decisions need to be made, do you both tend to agree? Do you compromise? Or could it be possible that your H feels he doesn't have a say? Perhaps the majority of the time you end up getting the final word?

When my H left, he told his mom (who later told me) that he felt I was too controlling. Of course at first, I thought that was totally absurd. But when I took the time to look back at our R, I realized why my H could've felt that way. He'd have nights out with the guys, too, and whenever he didn't come home as promised, I would become angry, resentful, and 'punish' him by pouting, making him feel bad for going out without me. This lead to less nights out for my H. He wouldn't accept invitations because he knew I wouldn't be happy about it. Therefore, I 'controlled' the sitch. I 'controlled' H.

Another example - Picking a place to have dinner. I'd ask, "Where do you want to eat tonight?" H would say, "Let's go to BJ's." I would say, "No, I don't want to go there. How about Cattleman's?" H would say alright. - I asked him where he'd like to go, but then I turned around and made the decision myself. I 'controlled' it again.

Now as to the calls and texts, I suppose if your H is the one initiating the contact, it's fine to respond, but you may want to limit it at times. Don't assume that if you don't respond to H immediately that he's going to turn around right away and start up with OW again. Cross that bridge IF you get there.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell