My question to him tonight was, "If you can't dig deep and find the love you don't deny you felt for me for 25 years and at least make an attempt to ressurect it and after everything that we have been to each other; best friends, passionate lovers, helpmates, support system, teammates,and after everything we have created and built. . . If you're not capable of loving me again, then what in the hell makes you think that you'll ever be able to love ANYONE for any length of time. And what exactly makes you think that there is anyone or anything else out there that will give you anywhere near the love and acceptance you admit feeling in our marriage?"
His response has been "I'll probably die a lonely old man."
I don't want this in my life. I don't want the forced intimacy of new step family members. I want my children to know their aunts and uncle, to see the family resemblance and to share the family stories that are passed from one generation to another. I want our family holiday traditions to continue without having to stop and explain to new family members what we're doing and why. To have to spend a holiday alone because it's not my turn. To not be the parent who never has quite enough while the good-time daddy gets to pass out the cash for gas, new shoes, movies, etc.
