I do need to detach. . . a huge problem for a fixer and control freak.
All these years I had to control everything because he wouldn't and now I have no say in what happens to our marriage. I think it was Michelle who said "divorce is not a democracy." He gets to decide what kind of involvement I have in his life. He gets to make all the rules that only he knows, then he throws a change up on me, and then a frickin' curve ball. I'm trying to be a player but can't get a hit anywhere. . .although sometimes I get a walk. . .
Detach, get a life, establish boundaries, etc. Been doing this for a year and every once in a while I see a glimmer of light, then bonk, a new kick, a new twist, and I wonder just what the hell I'm holding on for.
My kids, my friends, my family, almost everyone says move on. . . and I have to wonder if they're right. I don't want to give up on him, on us, I have always placed so much faith and trust in him. I have always LIKED him better than anyone. His sense of fairness, his integrity, his love and friendship were the things I held onto when we struggled, and when you're together for 25 years and have 4 children, work nights, with no money and no time there's a lot of struggles. I can't believe that after surviving so much together that this trite and textbook case of MLC is what is going to put an end to what was once a healthy and thriving partnership.
Sometimes I feel so damned cliche and am truly embarrassed to be in this position.
