We have a child too. My breaking point came when my H's bad behavior was directed at the child because he was mad at me. Financially, I lose more than he does if we D. The longer I wait the more I lose. I decided trying to keep our family intact was more important to me than the money - as long as I saw him making some efforts. He has signed up for anger management, and we are working on compromises. I don't know if there is a middle ground that will make us both happy, but I hope so. I hope I can get past my reservations and at least want sex if not desire it.
You can't control another person, but you can set boundaries and try and make yourself heard. If your W wants to listen, you'll know it.
Wait a minute... you're having trouble getting your desire back and now you're insisting that he give up porn too? What are you trying to accomplish here?
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
LS and NS, you both might get some more insight into where you might be headed by reading posts on the MLC forum.
NoSale, you asked about fantasizing about other men, and now I understand why. It has happened a few times (maybe 3, max) that there has been someone in our lives that I have found very attractive and they have turned up in my thoughts quite a bit for a while. I kind of went with it for a bit, but then reminded myself of all the things I appreciate about my H, and the fact that I had vows to live up to, and put them out of my mind. Ironically, I think that's probably about the time my H was starting to go outside of our marriage.
I only know a very little bit about your situation, but find it very sad that anyone would put that much time and energy into celebrity fantasies. Real people aren't perfect all the time, aren't hot all the time, and comparing your spouse to some air-brushed, plasticized celebrity is - well, I can't even think of a word at the moment, but really, why would you want one of those creatures anyway?
