I feel so bad!!!!!! You will be in my prayers tonight. I am so sorry. Only good thing is matbe he will miss you so much so fast he will be back very soon. I feel so bad!
Well, Grace, I'm on the same pirate ship as you. Our house officially goes on the market tomorrow. W made it very clear to the realtor that "she" wants it sold ASAP.
The other stuff I'll tell you when I have more time will make you scratch your head ....
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I never truly thought he would actually go through with this. Not after stalling for soooooo very long.
Quote:
I'm pretty calm. Not even any tears yet. I'll have to think on all this and figue out where I am.
I think you are in a very good place. A peaceful place.
I know when he actually moves you will find the tears that are lost, I also know that once he moves he will begin to understand the meaning of lonliness. He will truly be alone then. No wife, no kids....it doesn't matter who else is there, it's who is not going to be there that will affect him the most.
For some sitch's....I do think it's best if they do leave. This gives them the chance to sort things out (sorta ) I know you now what I mean...
There won't be anymore eggshells to worry about.
HUGS!!!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Ok, I'm officaially going to slam my head in a door! I asked H to bring me up to speed on his convo with D's yesterday. His plan (drum roll please) is to stay in his new apt during the week and come home on the weekends! OMG! What he said to D's is that he'll be in his apt., closer to work so he doesn't have to commute...(and between us here, so he can have is f#@k buddies). I've tried talking to D15 and she says she doesn't have any questions and is fine (this is our D who is like her Dad in that she wouldn't say sh!t if she had a mouthful). D13 is showing signs of anxiety, but at this point won't talk to me (and hasn't expressed anything to H either).
What the hell is this! I don't even know what to say. I'm so confused by him. All I can do is continue with life "as usual" and hope that I can get D's to express themselves.
We all went to see "Spiderwick Chronicles" today. Good movie, except the part where Dad has left to live with OW.
I need a drink. Cheers.
BTW, Thank you so much for all of your kind words, thoughts and support. I don't even know what to make of this.
Maybe just let him be goofy. I know it hurts you because you want him to be home, want him to want you but maybe he is not ready. So, more dBing for you. I'm sorry.
don't make the mistake I mad. I pushed my wife - when she said "I want to love you", I just about flipped my lid. This was before I read the DR book. I was like, "what do you mean, you want to love me? What about the 13 years of marriage the 4 kids, the giant house I just signed my life away on?" All of which sounded perfectly rational to me, but... well it didn't bring her any closer to me.
About your D13 - I spoke to my counselor about the kids. One of the insights she offered me is that kids NEED to talk about this stuff - it is unhealthy not to. On the other hand they don't know how to do it, how to start a conversation, how to voice their feelings. The bad part is not the feelings, the bad part is keeping them inside and letting them fester and mutate into something destructive. so anyway my counselor suggested I start the conversation, at the right time, at the right moment of course. And do it gently, with something like, "If I were you I might be feeling confused. I don't know, maybe I'd be feeling worried. Maybe I'd feel a little nervous. Maybe unhappy. Maybe I wouldn't know what I was feeling. (maybe pause here, look for agreement?) Maybe you're not sure what is going to happen. And you know, I don't know exactly how you feel, but I want to tell you that I love you, and I'm sorry things are like this. I wish it wasn't like this."
And then (here is a surprise) the counselor told me, the thing kids worry about are the day-to-day things - like, will I still go to the same school? Will I keep my friends? Will I have to move? Will I have to give up my room? Basically, kids of a certain age just want stability and normalcy. So as much as you can, re-assure them that you'll try to keep it normal for them.
fwiw.
best to you Grace.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I would say no, but (now let me negate what I just said) this is a man that's so frickin nuts he's said to me only (no, I don't have it in writing) that he won't contest for custody b/c he knows what the girls mean to me (?!?). Of course this includes the fact they would interfere in the "new" lifestyle he sees himself (plans on) having.
"Better yet....what are you thinking? Unless of course you're unconscious."
I think I'd like to be unconscious. What I'm thinking is that if I push not only will he go, he will either have very minimal or no contact with our D's. My first priority is for him to be involved with them on a consistant basis. I don't want them to pay more of price by not having him.
Sir,
Well, I haven't flipped on him....yet. I'm working really hard at biting my tongue.
Thanks for you input on D's (esp D13), I'll definately use that technique.
So far, we won't have to move, so they'll be able to keep their lives relatively normal.
D13 left a note for her Dad (with a paper flower) this morning. It reads:
" I'll miss every minute of you , Dad. Have fun in your new apartment I would like to visit sometime k? Love, D13 I'll miss you I love you."
I saw him read it and then look at it again on his way out the door. I never said a word. He didn't take the flower.
Grace- Your name suits you so well...both for you grace and your strength (just like Grace O'Malley). I would have wanted to rip my H to shreds if I were you. Your self control is amazing. I just keep thinking you must be becoming one buff lady with all the working out you must be doing.
It is hard to come up with any words of wisdom for you since you are far beyond where most of us are here. Thank for being such a great role model. We have learned so much from you.
I feel so bad for your girls but I know they will be fine because they have you.
) I know you now what I mean...
I love you."