Here's my update, I'm a bit bored, frustrated & confused, but apart from that I'm fine.
Boredom comes from the fact that things are calm at home, no real drama or crisis to have to react to. W and I have fallen into a status quo, we do family things together, we are openly affectionate to each, strangely no ILY yet, but generally the atmosphere is good. W doesn't like me being on the computer as much but I am on this board every day in the newcomers section. I don't post on any new situations mainly cos I don't have as much time there as before, but I am keeping up to date with everyone.
I did get that book you recommended, but I've not started reading it yet.
Frustrated cos I see old patterns of behaviour developing from W and if it wasn't for DB I would react like the old Lan and we'd be back to square one. Example, I threw out an old bit of ice cream from the freezer that W wanted to give D6. When W saw that it was gone she launched into a tirade about me throwing away good food which was brought with her money, then she stormed out of the kitchen. Rather than try to reason with her I left things as they were and went to bed early without her. Next morning W accuses me of going to bed early in a mood and leaving her alone. I pointed out to her that she was the one in a mood, so I thought I'd let things cool off rather than chase further discussion. Then I asked here if she thought getting into a rage about something so trivial was being helpful to our sitch. She replied no it wasn't, but her shouting at me made her feel better. Grrr... can you feel my frustration.
Confused, Saturday morning (very early though) I snuggled up to W for some comfort hoping it would lead to some intimacy, W tells me to get off, " It's the weekend she needs some sleep". WTF, I thought weekend was the time to try something. So come to Sunday morning I thought I'd leave W alone but D6 comes into our room very early to wake me up, she's hungry and wants breakfast. As I go to get up W locks her legs around mine and doesn't want me to go, she wants me to stay and snuggle up to her, WTF is going on in her head, I'm confused.
Sunday evening we as a family went to a christening party which was very good. Oh, at the party W and I had a discussion about my shirts, W always buys me shirts cos she wants me to look good. I told W that before I never understood or appreciated why she would buy me new shits, but I did now. W asked was it because I had been going out lately and saw how smart other people were. I just said no, I understood and appreciate what she was doing for me. She had a quizzical look on her face, I was going to try to explain about LL and heartfelt gifts, but I thought I'd save it for another time.
When we got home from the christening we put D6 to bed then we tried to watch the remainder of the Saturday night movie in bed but we both started dosing. At lights out I asked W for some form of intimacy before we went to sleep, but she didn't say yes or no. She just feel asleep and left me to my own devices. This again is another form of old behaviour. Things are going well with us so I ask for more, but W won't say No, cos there's no valid reason to refuse, but she won't say yes, or she wont participate, she just hopes I get frustrated and go away. Grrr....sorry this should be part of the frustration section.
See all of this is why I want to start some serious talks with W about "us", but as Forrest said earlier she already knows I want to talk R but probably wants to forget about a lot of things and carry on as if nothing serious has happened. I can go with the flow for now, but soon W and I need to talk R.
