Took the kids to our favorate College basketball team game tonight. They won by 2 points. Wife and i are not very happy with each other today. Just bad communication over last night. Tommorrow is another day. Soccer in the morn from 9-12 which will give W some space. I wish she would come out of this fog. I am starting to have a very difficult time holding on. There just seems to be so much happiness and love out there that i really long for again. I feel like I am kissing my grandmother when I kiss her goodbye. I need passion and love to survive. It is a basic neccesity. I need patience and time but it is so hard!
Hang in there. Continue to do what is working and do not do what is not working. Yeah, it sounds simple.
Here are my observations from people who have successfully busted divorces:
1. Minimal relationship talk. You will know when the time is right to make your move.
2. Time - it really takes a long time for your spouse to come out of the fog and they will only do it when they are ready. It's definitely months +, not weeks or days.
3. No pressure - The more you push the more they run.
4. GAL - Absolutely critical!!! The minute you "move on," they come back -- if they are ready.
5. Space - Lots and lots of space. The further the better.
6. Be a good day - your kids need you more than every.
7. Talk to your friends/family/DB boards about your sitch, but not your wife. She is no longer there for you. It's hard to accept, but it is a fact.
8. Your wife is now "posessed" and only she can kill the demon inside of her.
We had a lot of R talk today. Took a long walk and it was all bought up by her. She keeps saying that she just does not have that feeling and doesn't know if it is coming back. I just asked her to give it some time. I think she will. Very concerned at this point. I wish I could just make her love me but I know that that is not possible. She is beyond posessed, she has an answer for everything and life has been miserable for 200 years. I asked her to recall some of the good times and she did actually come up with quite a few. I feel like I am backsliding but also makeing progress at the same tim. Two steps forward and three back and then four forward. What a ride.
Where do i go from here. Can't wait to see the pysc tomorrow.
I am backsliding big time. DB is so simple but so hard. She is so harsh on me. I mentioned that her hair needed combing in the back this morn and she flipped out on me. I asked her to be nicer to me in front of the kids.
I told her I was very sorry for what she was going through and I am here to help her in anyway possible. I told her I felt bad and it must feel horrible to have lost her feelings for me and the pain of making the decisions is is making.
She is trying the "leave the note around strategy again". I told her the strategy of being mean and nasty to me so that she makes me feel nothing toward her so she feels better about her decisions is not working. I want to help her not hate her.
I had a big backslide the last two days but I am only human.
Mellow night last night. I just stayed out of her way. Saw my sych and he said I was doing fine. Just living in a Sh** storm and it was up to me how long I wanted to live like that. Thoughts?
It sounds like staying out of her way is a good idea.
You need to work on getting stronger and more confident around her. Don't let her think that you 'need' her...even though you are hurting like crazy right now.
Look at it this way - it can't make things any worse than they already are.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
I could not figure out why my W was being so nice to me this morning. It turns out that she had planned a trip to PA this weekend to be with niece for her 21st birthday and was nervous about asking me if she could go. I said go for it. My Psyc said I needed to detach and I tell you it is awful nice when she is not around. Very quite and very calm. I look forward to this. It is amasing how nice she can be when she needs something. This is the girl I love, not the angry one. My Psyc says I have some big Decisions to make.
Having a much better day today. got a great workout in and the endorfins were flying. For the first time ever i kinda felt like giving up and moving on. Is this normal?
