I agree with the others, SS -- he's cake-eating. He needs to understand that HE doesn't call the shots on everything, and he certainly doesn't get to control how "normal" his family life will be if he divorces you.
Personally, I don't agree with even GOING to counseling when there is an active affair going on, so I wouldn't go. I would simply say "It's not my job to provide 'closure' for you, and I'll no longer go to what I've been perceiving is a 'divorce counselor', and I CERTAINLY won't waste my time or money on ANY counseling so long as you're having an affair."
Let him know that you want to go to a pro-marriage counselor and work on your marriage, if and when he's ready to end his affair.
