When I do validate him I end up in the same place..him saying see it was all your fault.
Hmmm. I have always wondered if the validating didn't work a lot better in "ordinary" troubled marriages, where the MLC lunacy wasn't part of the picture. In my case, I couldn't say, since XH never told me how he felt. He would tell me what he thought, but not his feelings, he couldn't access them, it seems. And I believe it is feelings that we are supposed to be validating, not their "judgments" of us.
Anyway, I don't see being a glutton for punishment. Maybe you could just say thank you for sharing your perspective with me, and leave it at that.
This is hard on the best days. Hang in there, we'll all worth the effort of getting better.
