I'm not sure how to go on. . .

[bombardier50]

Hi Leah,
Sorry you're here. Not sure if there's anything I can say or do that will help. But after reading your sitch, I'm wondering if you or your DB coach really kind of examined what might be going through H's mind. In some ways, it might help you detach and GAL. So forgive me, but I'm going to take a stab at it.

My hunch is that he realized that a huge chunk of his life is behind him, and then realized that he probably isn't where he expected to be at this stage of his life. Some men look back at this point in their lives and feel some sense of satisfaction. Some guys look back and don't like what they see, and hear the ticking of the clock, and panic.

Maybe it started with him questioning his career choice, and feeling frustration that he didn't make as much as he hoped, or accomplished as much as he could have. Then, when your son got his girlfriend pregnant, he probably felt like he failed as a father. As those feelings started to mount, your relationship began to suffer. The result: a perfect trifecta. "I'm a failure at work, a failure as a father, and a failure as a husband."

Okay, so big deal. Maybe you figured this out already. Maybe you haven't. Anyway, what does this mean for you?

If I were in your shoes, I guess I would be telling myself that there's absolutely nothing that I can do or say that's going to make him feel better about himself right now. There's a lot of things you can do that can make it worse. None of us are perfect and we all backslide. But there's no excuse for getting physical. Let's hope that doesn't happen again.

At some point, he may start to question his own thinking. He may realize that he's not such a failure after all, that he provided the best he could, that he was married for 23 years, and raised some great kids. But it's probably going to be awhile before he gets to that point. Some guys never do. If he comes back, I think the big question will be...are you going to be there to take him back?

Reading your post, it really sounds like you still have way too much of your life wrapped around him and his hijinks. I'm going to pile on what everyone else is telling you about needing to detach. It's a lot easier to be patient when you're detached. So drop the rope.

Imagine he was dead and gone. He sort of is...at least the guy you used to know. If he were gone-gone, what would you be doing right now?