You have done a lot to prepare yourself and you have come a long way to detach from the emotional pain of the situation and see things rationally. It is admirable.
Remember that your wife has done none of this preparation. I don't think you should expect her to come to the conversation with her thoughts together or her emotions in check. So you might have some garbage to deal with there.
Keep in mind that you do not have to solve this problem alone. If it is more than the two of you know how to solve there are resources for you to go to. first of all, you have all the reading that you have done. Perhaps your wife would read one or two of the self-help books. Then there is the possibility of a weekend marital retreat such as Retrouvaille. Or counseling. I know that you are used to being able to fix anything that breaks around your house. But fixing a marriage is tricky. Expert help can come in handy.
Good luck with your talk. We are all on your side.
