although I have yet to have any one of her family and friends say anything other than they really can't figure it out.
W's perspective isn't necessarily rational. It is just real to her.
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Talking or trying to talk to W. about how to pay for D17's college, while at the same time, decimating all finances through a divorce. It makes NO sense! I'm looking at scholarships, but we probably make too much to be considered. doesn't stop me from looking and applying, however.
I would suggest starting with the total assets, income, etc. then I would deduct D17's college expenses PRIOR to the division of assets and determining alimony. I would also include provisions for setting aside college money for your other children - where this money is considered outside of the division and alimoney. Perhaps deducting a percentage of your and W's salary to put into a college fund in your children's name - held in trust and specified as being used for education only. That way children cannot take the money and spend it all on whatever they want.
There is the law. Then there is settlement. As long as the children are taken care of - it is highly unlikely a judge will overturn a settlement crafted along the lines I have suggested above. They have full dockets and are overworked - judges LOVE FAIR settlements that they can just sign off on.
Work on the numbers. And constructively present your financial proposal to W. No emotional sentences - no blaming - purely businesslike approach. If you present it properly - while W is angry with you - she probably cannot handle the people she knows knowing that her D resulted in costing her children their education.
