I have messed everything up again by getting pregnant. I was so stupid to think that this time I could do it without going crazy and driving my husband away. No. The letter from OW has eaten away at me, I still don't believe him and ask about it a lot. I am suspicious when he comes home late on nights out (he doesn't have many but he always comes in so very very late (well, well, well, after midnight). It makes me suspicious as I don't see any other reason for it then up to no good. My hormones have turned me into the horrible snappy person I was before and he has reacted the same as before. I stupidly said I thought we should split because I had tried telling him in so many ways how unloved and lonely and down I was feeling and he hasn't really done anything to show more love etc so I stupidly said it to try to get across just how upset I am feeling. His response was not "please don't say that I love you so much, didn't realise blah blah blah" like I expected. No, it was "if you want me to go I will and maybe you're right, I'm not sure if I love you enough to do all the things you need. So here I am, 4 weeks off giving birth and so alone, upset, miserable and devastated. I haven't got the strength to make him love me again while I'm pregnant. I just wish it all wasn't happening. Don't even know why I've come on here really. Just noone to talk to and daren't tell my parents unless it is definite as they couldn't believe I wanted him back after last time. I hate my body. Why can't my body react well to pregnancy and it be a happy loving time? Why do I have to turn into such a horrible person and get at the person I love so much that they don't love me anymore.
