Hi, I found out much more than I ever wanted to know about my H's A, too. OW didn't send me messages like yours did. I found out by snooping. I became so obsessed. And everything I found just made everything worse.
I found pictures (x-rated). A V-day card where the message talked about "a chance meeting", signed ILY by OW (blech) (I burned it). Hotel bills. I heard phone messages. I heard my H say to me that he wanted to sleep with her one more time.
He is still here. We have one D14. He didn't stay just for her. He stayed because he didn't know what he wanted. I think he also stayed because we have built a lot of equity in our lives after 22 years. He thought about moving out and asked me several times if I wanted him to. At one point I said yes, then got so scared I told him to stay. I felt that having him here at home would be better than having him at his own place where OW would come and go as she pleased!
I told him if he did move out, he couldn't come and go as he pleased. I also said I couldn't promise that I would still be here for him if or when he ever decided between the two of them.
You're in a lot of pain right now. In some ways the lies are so much more damaging than the A aren't they? You need time to heal. He needs to understand that you can't "just forget". I tried to get my H to read info about A's just so he could understand what I was going through. He's not much of a reader. But we did a lot of talking. Once we got past the hurt, we realized we still loved each other.
Give yourself some time and space. Give him time and space, too. You know he has ended it with OW. You can't forget what you know, but you can forgive, you can rebuild.
Definitely find another C if the one you're seeing is not helping you! I dumped my first one -- I just didn't connect with her. I liked the second one better but have stopped seeing him. Didn't feel like I needed him anymore.
Suggest to your H that he see a C, too.
Don't make any decisions while you're so upset. Detach for know. GAL. Do something for yourself. It does get better....
