Hey Ali - here is my advice about the Berlin thing (I'm very jealous that you are going). Be as vague as you can about it if it comes up with BF. You dont have to tell him you are going! Eg. BF says - can I contact you on Wednesday about the mortgage. Ali "Oh shoot, I've actually booked a holiday I will be away for 5 nights. I will be home on xyz" BF "hmm" Ali "Yeah I'm really excited about it, will be fun to do some sightseeing. I cant wait, I'm hoping to do some shopping too, it will be good to get away and try something new" BF "where are you going?" Ali - possible change of subject "oh look there's a cat outside the window" if BF insistently brings up "where are you going?" Ali "thought I might see the Hamburger Bahnof in berlin" BF - "are you going to see your X-BF?" Ali (shocked tones) "Oh gee I never even thought of that. Thats not the reason I'm going but you are right I should see if I can catch up for a coffee with him.... not sure if I have his contact details though" CHANGE OF SUBJECT. Play it cool, and mysterious!
Your focus is still way too much on him and not enough on you and making you happy. Its going to make you happy to go to Berlin right? Well forget about BF - he can look after himself (he doesn't need you to fix him)
If he calls and you aren't home great. If there is an email waiting for you on your return, answer it by saying that you have been overseas and just got home. It will get him wondering about you - and he will naturally draw closer. Its great GAL! You can always have a holiday photo on the fridge for him to notice at a later date.
Hey Ali have you tried "living in the moment"? I wonder if that would help you not stress trying to see what the future holds (or analyzing what happened in the past....)??? It might help you move to the next stage of acceptance. When you catch yourself worrying about the future and / or being regretful of the past, mentally stop yourself and focus on the present moment (cause that's where its all happening). Just a thought!
