Well, I guess the divorce is on. I got a letter yesterday from the lawyers. My H is trying to get out of paying the fees and is trying to not pay support which I am due.
I had a bad back slide. I called (I know, I know) and let loose. I was so angry. I guess it had been building in me. Is it not bad enough that he cheats, then leaves, then blames me for everything, then wants a divorce, then wants to do everything to make it horrible and ugly. I was so angry.
Finally I calmed down on the phone and asked again, well as long as it is over why not tell me what happened. His answer, he just wanted to get laid and then he liked it. WOW. Then the usual its all my fault for everything, no part of the marriage is his. He told he had lost his individuality as he had to give up other women to me with me. Hello? Anyone home?
I was so upset I had a panic attack. It was so stupid of me, I keep forgetting this man is not my husband.
I had a nice talk with an old friend that has known my H since he was 16. It was so nice to have her tell me how happy my husband used to be. How he always told her great things about me and us. Some days it is so hard to remember that we were once happy together. I begin to loss my sense of reality. I just don't know if I can love this man.
