Battlefield of the mind..part 2

[cat03]

thanks sweet BI, you are always in my prayers.

Ok, more drama, got two calls from H, the sane one saying how he didnt even remember what he was so upset about when he lived here, how he couldn't understand why I didn't hate him and how ow was so impressed with how kind I was with her. He had to abrutly go to make an arrest, 4hrs later at 3am calls, in a different voice telling me that he didnt' have enough feelings for me, that he loved ow and that he wanted to move back with her. i wasted my breath reminding him of all the drama that happened that very morning:the suicide threat,the asking of money,the stalking...and he had a good excuse to each one "she was upsted I was lying" or to the reason he escaped "I was just feeling bad i lied"

We didnt' talk long, I sent him an txt asking him not to contact me today, in the late pm tried anyways. I talked to mom and she tells me he wants to go talk legal separation. He sends a few txt msgs, still is, one of them says that ow wouldnt' date him anymore because ... she couldn't do that to me... since I was so kind to her... I'm still not processing that bit, wow.

He is back to half sane, saying how he lied so much, sorry to have hurted me (all txts, I told him i rather speak to him in person) that he didnt' want to hurt anyone anymore, that we needed to talk without kids around, that he was concern about them.

But, it is there... like a brand iron mark, the fact that he went back to her, regardless EVERYTHING that had happened, he prefered her, I dont' know when I'll even live that down.

So tomorrow we might be talking separation agreement, on wednesday we have a MC session, I thought perhaps it was better to talk about the S there, but it's a long way. Anyways, here it is again, this terrible volcano that wont' stop spewing lava.

I know i will be alright, but my heart breaks for the kids, for my little barely 5yr old, never will knwo the joy of a dad & mom family.