Formal? Uhhh, no! Definitely come as you are, assuming that you have actually gotten out of you pajamas. And dressed! Geeze.... When? Whenever we want to! And where? In our minds! Well, and here! Boy, wouldn't it be more fun for real! I think I'll buy a lottery ticket today, when I win, I'll get tickets for everyone to come somewhere nice, any ideas?
Now, if any of you ever get anywhere near Tucson, or even Phoenix, and don't say anything, I won't really be happy with you!
Great news if you can make it to Uxbridge Jeff! (Although not the most salubrious of locations perhaps!). Do you think there's really a chance? That would be great!
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
I don't now how big the chance is, it would have been bigger if I hadn't let my passport expire! Grrrrrrr! I don't know what kind of response they'll get, I'm hoping a lot of people will pass it up, and I'll sneak in. I kind of hope the fact that I've done a "foreign" assignment before (though with another company) might help. You will be one of the first to know! If you drop me an e-mail (address in profile), I'll keep you up to date that way. I'm not an awful stalker!
I don't really care where Uxbridge is (I saw it was out in the direction of Heathrow), as long as there is a train! I learned that I could get anywhere with that!
I've appreciated your comments and insight on my thread and many others.... but never actually read your situation. Anyway I'm up to speed now, and I see that I have been missing out on the party thread. So glad to have found it now! Cool about the possibility of the job - that would be great trial separation for you to get clear about what you want. I'm crossing my fingers for you.
I notice that you say you are going to 'try' and you 'might' get around to fixing the clothesline. That give you the back door out of not getting it done, but at least you can say you 'tried'!!!! So tell us when you ARE going to get the clothesline done - I bet it will make a big difference, and I love the cute note idea too.
OK get that clothes line fixed so we can get this party pumping!
Thanks for the hugs, support and overall warm fuzzies on my continuing saga!
It sounds like you've been getting great advice on what to do.
My two cents are as follows:
Eye rolling:
Years ago they did interviews on couples and follow ups several years later. Those couples who would roll their eyes when the other spoke indicated disdain and lack of respect. The study showed those marriages were unlikely to last. The study was based on body language and its indications over the long term. Needless to say, I tried to keep my eye rolling to a minimum.
Help in how to approach your wife when you're at the end of your rope:
Have you ever considered using any of the DB counselors? I signed up for three sessions and have used two so far. Jodi capsulized what was going on, helped me set up specific goals, helped me figure out how to tell the kids (man oh man was that an awful moment). Each time I talked to her I was filled with hope, enthusiasm and energy. The cost it worth it. I just figured if I tallied up how much junk food and things I didn't need I bought in a month or so it covered the cost and was worth much more.
Intensive with Michele:
That's expensive but less expensive than divorce costs. If your wife has even a tepid interest, I can only imagine what a couple could get out of a full day of working with Michele. Just on my journey I've realized that my husband and I just never learned how to deal with the little stuff. Over time annoyance over little stuff magnifies exponentially. Go figure.
Just think of truly working as a couple, finding changes that seem almost insignificant which have positive lasting results.
So many times the thought of spending money on emotional well being seems like a luxury. Yet that money is spent anyway in ways that don't have lasting results. In the past year my husband has been on a buying spree. I supported it because he works long hours and deserved to have what made him happy. I'd go out and bargain shop and found great prices for things we didn't need. Let's not even talk about the cost of junk food, pizza and take out!
The same way you always have time to attend a funeral, you have the same ability when it comes to what is most precious in life.. your family.
I am a clutter bunny. Our bedroom and house is one big debris zone... clean but with clutter in every possible nook and cranny. If something is put down, it stays forever. And it's annoying!
When my husband told me of his misery, he was gone on a business trip three days later. During the five days he was gone, I worked on clearing out our room to make it a tranquil place, a haven of relaxation. It was hard work, there were lots of odds and ends that had just gotten parked there.
I started tossing, throwing away the crap and donating what wasn't needed. As I did more, it got easier. Each day I kept at it motivated by wanting to have the freedom of not always feeling bad that the room looked like a self storage container.
Now our room is so clean and clear it echoes. When I wake up in the morning, I make the bed as soon as I get out of it. It's worth the effort.
When my husband decided to move to another room I cleaned that out too. Yet another location that had become a storage area for odds and ends. My goal was to create a tranquil area where he could rest, where the negative was minimized. I hoped that a calm space might slow down his race to leave. At the very least he would notice the change.
My goal is to bring order back to the house, one room at a time. So far the primary rooms are pleasant havens. He's moving out but I'm still working to create an environment which is healthy for me, the kids. If he notices, that's wonderful. If not, we're still in a much better place than before.
You know the big difference, Jeff? Since his proclamation, I am alive.. instead of comfortably numb.
