First of all, good for you for getting out and exercising and smiling today. That is what we all need to do. Keep doing it.
I feel you pain w/ the L thing and the kids. My W didn't answer the phone when I called for D last night and she won't agree to 50/50 time split. I have the same issues that you do b/c I too will have to appear in front of some 3rd party and discuss why I'm worried about my W's ability to raise my D alone.
I have to bring up her drinking, her depression, her suicidal thoughts, her self-inflicted injuries, and her having an affair w/ a worker who is known to sleep w/ his students. I'd much rather not bring any of these issues up as well, but as far as my D is concerned, I have no choice.
You said, "How long can they keep up this farce?" I'm wondering the same thing as well. It is very difficult to sit back and watch someone you love and care dearly about stumble foolishly and painfully through their lives and not be able to help. All we can do is go to the 1/2 mark, extend our hands and hope one day they'll reach for our support. If we try and grab them, they'll recoil further.
Finally, your quote on the friends they surround themselves w/ is dead on w/ my W as well. Her OM is an adulterer who is in the process of divorce. Her friend in the office next door took off her ring and wants a divorce. Her best friend is sitting at home w/ her 2nd child waiting to get back to work so she can divorce her husband who cheated on her last year. Then there is her friend who is bi-sexual, just out of a relationship, and a bit confused about which side of the plate she'd like to swing from full-time.
To all of them, I'm evil. However, her best friend had been one who supported me and my efforts I was gaining through counselling especially since she saw zero effort from her husband. I think deep down, this one knows me and would like to see us work, but there is the public facade she has to put on for my W.
I don't know if or when our Ws will ever come out of their fogs. I keep hoping that the situations of her influences will turn for the better so my W will be w/out the negative backers for her twisted plan of escape.
I don't know, but I do know I have time as my ally to get myself better and to give her a chance to notice. I hate the legal thing too, but we weren't given much of a choice, were we?
I'm very proud of you b/c I know you are in a lot of pain. Keep going forward for you. You'll do it and you'll be fine. Your kids will be with you again. They will. Trust that the nice guys doesn't always finish last. The hero in the movies always wears the white hat and the black hatted villian always finds his just demise.
