Help Me Act AS IF, Part 3

[newnamenewlife]

I am home alone with H tonight and it feels awful. I'm tired and it's cold out, and I went out last night to a club with friends, so I don't feel like GALing out of the house. Kids are at grandma's. I have never felt this awkward and uncomfortable around H and it is making me so sad because now it seems like it's too late. We can't go back to being loving and affectionate and relaxed with each other because he has resisted all my attempts at that and I have stopped trying. Our conversations are stiff and formal. I want to say "c'mon, let's have a few drinks and pretend we're 27 again" but I won't because he would refuse that.

How horrible and sad and lonely this is, to feel awkward around someone you've known for so long. How does this happen???