I actually typed this on my noon break and it didnt submit right so its 9 hours late and i have already gone out to eat with my w.
Well here it goes. This song made my eyes tear up on my way to counceling a couple weeks ago. I've always liked this song it seems to have more meaning now. One lyric that sticks out is "its not always rainbows and butterflies it's compromise that moves us along". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VGpTznuVhA
As i was finding the song on you tube. My phone beeps w: "its wrong im sure but do u want to go out to eat tonight and talk" Thats why i named my thread I DON'T KNOW.
While she was in NC w/om i slept in our bed. when i made the bed before she returned i short sheeted it. That's just who i am. I've lost alot of that over the years and will become who I want to be. Thought i would share that.
When she returned she asked to talk. she still wants me out. and asked what i wanted. I said someone to share (enjoy)the rest of my life with prefrably you. she said she wasnt sure if i still wanted her. I commented that im not begging her to come back but preparing myself for the worst (d). well thats the idea of that conversation.
next day she texted me saying that her mom asked her if she was going to leave the kids and move out there... and she isnt sure that this is worth the pain its causing everyone. she said that her going to see om is just that and they dont talk about their future together. She says when im home and she is also she doesnt want to do anything and seems depressed.
I feel to get equal custody of our children and become finacialy stable i need to file for d. I feel to save my marrage i need to move out. I still trust her but here many people say how spouces change throught this.
I have to go back to work.
try to be on later with more gatherd thoughts. any comments on eating tonight?
light switch
Last edited by light switch; 02/23/0803:47 AM.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
before going out to eat i really didnt want to go if it was going to be r talk so i asked and she said that it seemed we couldnt talk at home well.
First we got in her car, she in the passenger seat. she said where did these come from? I had put some .99 cent pink orcid flowers from walmart in her visor before she left on her trip. She hadnt noticed until now. She drove to Mineapolis and and back, to work all week also. We went to our fav restarant talked about anything i completely avoided any r talk. It was nice.
light switch
Last edited by light switch; 02/23/0803:48 AM.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Hi Sara, Sorry about the camper thing. Yep. I thought the same thing. I feel like this is a baby step. She asked me. I'm pretty excited to myself, i don't make a big deal in front of w.
I had big plans w/d17 for today accept she pulled a muscle in her back. We where planning on going skiing 1.5 hours away in Alexandria MN. All skiing eq was $100, but if u stay at a hotel and get lift tickets there its $130. That included hot tub, pool, and breakfast(not to mention quallity time w/d17). We were excited. We will still go when she is better. Its supposed to be about 30 here today thats a heat wave compared to what its been. I'm going in to work and w is taking s8, d12, and d17 to fargo to the $1 movie theatre.
light switch
Last edited by light switch; 02/23/0811:44 AM.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Wow $130 for eq, lift tickets, and lodging? That's a great deal!
About the W. Give her some space. Don't beg, plead, cry, or bring up OM. Try to take your focus off her and put it on yourself and kids. The ski trip sounds like a good opportunity to do that.
Last edited by Astimegoeson; 02/23/0811:57 AM.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hi Lightswitch! It's been awhile since I posted to you. I'm glad you are still posting.
Just one quick thing:
Quote:
I feel to save my marrage i need to move out.
How did moving to the basement, or out of your bedroom, help save your M? Did it provide the wake up call your W wanted? Do you think moving out would? I don't think giving your wife all of this space is truly helping to save your M. Try doing something new. What could you do differently now? What you are doing doesn't appear to be working that well (I could be wrong, but it doesn't seem that W is any closer to wanting to work things out).
One common theme I have seen throughout your whole sitch is your wife voicing her insecurity about you wanting her.
Quote:
she said she wasnt sure if i still wanted her
If she is so done with you, why would she care? I think she wants to be wanted by you. She wants you to fight for her.
Before you decide to move out, consult an L before hand to see what your rights are. It seems to me that you should really be fighting to stay in the house and keep custody of your kids. You're not the one that wants out, she is. In this case doing something different would be staking your claim on what is rightfully yours - your wife, your kids, your home.
Good luck!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I already saw a l and i can: 1. Stay in house and fight for custody. W has made it clear that she wants full. I would like equal, seems fair considering we are their parents. I do not want to talk to w anymore about this because it ends up in an argument. L said that courts wont award joint so i would need to fight for full then maybe compromise. Doing this would push wife away (hard).
2. move out into an apartment after selling camper. This would help pay mortage for temp. After money is used up i would need to move back in. WAIT A MINUTE. If i do move out what if she doesnt let me back in the house?
3. Keep doing the same thing with nothing changing.
W has said this sitch may have been resolved if i had moved out earlier and had some faith in her. That sounded better when she said it.
Last night at supper the only r thing we talked about was selling the camper and how it would help with mortage, when she mentioned it i think she may not have been talking about me moving out. I didnt want to talk r last night so i didnt ask if that was what she ment.
I have a little bit of time until i am forced to make these decisions. I try not to worry about it and make the best of whats left.
light switch
d20 is coming over to drop off gs. She wasnt supposed to bring him till 4:00. I was looking forward to a couple hours of quiet to myself time. I love my gs, but d20 has him spoiled a little and he needs alot of attention or he gets fussy. He is getting better though.
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
This morning i looked outside and it looked like a cartoon. Absolutly all the trees where covered in frost. I asked d12 and d17 if they wanted to go check it out. We went for a walk on the river and through the woods(no pun intended, boy thats funny!). We walked for about an hour, good quallity time.
by the time we came home the trees had lost half of the frost. It was great. These pics are in our city limits. I have never gone for a walk like that in town.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
Before the walk w looked like she wanted to say something and then said she felt bad about going out to eat the other night and leading me on. That was a stab to me but not that bad, I went knowing that this may be how she feels. She said something like i dont need her as a friend. I was going to say yes i do when her mom called, at first i was thinking another thing in the way of conversations then i felt thankfull. thankfull i could think about it for a while.
After my last post wife comes in room and mentioned a couple appartments for rent. I said yeh i havnt been looking. After she said more i said you know your asking me to leave my family. she said yah i guess. She said this could go on forever this way. I said i cant talk about this right now i need to think.
Earlier before any of this happened i was getting a plan for when i needed to have this talk. Now i cant rationalise, cant think nicely.
light switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
