Finding my way out of the dark

[missmyfriend]

Mishka, I am working on myself while my wife is sorting everything out in her life. I have no idea where she is at all. I cannot assume what she is going through regardless of her outward actions or comments. All I can do is worry about myself and my shortcomings.

Believe it or not, any trust issues that I have with my W are my issues, not hers. She is human and she is going to make mistakes, especially now. I have read so many scriptures that talks about who we are supposed to be and how we are to treat others, even our thoughts are held captive.

If we are supposed to love our enemies and forgive them, how am I supposed to be with my own wife? To most people, it translates to being a doormat. That may be the case but as I continue to understand my R with Him, I realize that perceptions like those (which I have shared) are of no concern when it comes to who I want to be. My ego (low self-esteem) has to change. What is more important to me? A restored marriage or being right? If I meant what I said that I would love her and protect her, then I have to be willing to die for her (as us men are called to do for our wives according to scripture).

As long as we deal with our own esteem issues, it will be a challenge to have successful relationships.

I am not saying that your H should come home right now. It probably would be disastrous as you need to realize the fallacy of you needing him to earn your trust again. Not that he shouldn't earn your trust but you know your trust has to be in Him and not your H. Let your H see the strength in you that you have gained by God.

IMO, last night was not a bad thing. He admitted so much to you that you can work with. He said that he misses you and your son. He knows where home is and it is with you two!!! He doesn't know how to get there. It scares the hell out of him. He is afraid that no one will accept him again.

Remember, Mishka, strength is not always demonstrated by a fierce demeanor or a show of power but can be demonstrated by unconditional love and absolute forgiveness.

If someone is afraid of making a mistake or screwing up, guess what? They will without a shadow of doubt. The more a person is concerned with what they do as wrong, the more hopeless they feel.

Mishka, show your H what it means to have a R with God. You don't have to bring him home. If it is mentioned again, you can let him know that you miss him and want him home but you know he needs to work through things and that you are his friend and will listen to him. One person that I would recommend that you speak with is BFM. She has achieved what I want to achieve in my life, and I am not only meaning about her M being restored. I mean that she listens to Him and put her needs aside and chose to do what God wanted her to do. She ignored many naysayers and much criticism.