Finding my way out of the dark

[missmyfriend]

Mishka, this is a difficult thing to have to deal with (I am talking about you, not him). You have to decide whether the M is worth it. If you are willing to see this through. It is up to no one else. You are right that he is messed up and he sounds like he knows it. The fear he has that he has gone too far and will never be accepted by you or by your family is real to him.

It all depends on what you believe. I will be very blunt, if you believe that he needs to seek a R with God and to trust Him with his life, you need to trust Him too. If you tell someone they have to earn your trust again, they can feel that is too big a mountain to climb so why bother. People in his situation feel like failures already. Telling him to his face that you don't trusts him can be akin to telling him that it is near impossible. To us, it means to be faithful and loving. To them, it means earning something back and the past will always overshadow them.

He can't see your family ever accepting him again. He cannot see you accepting him. So he is going to attempt to hold on to what he has now even though it is false.

We talked about admiring him for his qualities without being judgmental. Any admiration that he can feel from you can be lost with feeling that he has failed as a man and a husband. He already knows this so he doesn't need to be reminded.

Mishka, you have been hurt terribly. How you react is so important if you want the M restored. Our ego has to be put aside finding strength in Him. And forget what anyone else thinks about your sitch. It doesn't matter what your mother, other relatives, best friends, people here, anyone for that matter thinks. It is about a relationship that God wants. Focus on what He would have you do and how to interact with your H.

Your H is in serious crisis but you cannot save him. He has to want to find real peace. You can only be that lighthouse that he can come to when he needs refuge.