It is hard to watch someone you love...especially someone you are in love with...hurt those who love them...even more, it is harder to see how they are hurting themselves...we so much want to protect them too...but the sad reality is this must go on for it to end...if you try to stop it...it just drags on...
The hardest thing for me was watching my H destroy himself and everything around him...but I realized that is what I had to do...I had to LET him fail...then when there was NO fight left in him he was ready to get help...he was ready to talk to me...it was a hard road to repair...I questioned myself many times if I was doing the right thing...I questioned if it would really work...if we could really get through this and still have a marriage worth saving...
But in the end...I am glad I did what I did...I am happy now...H is very happy now...we are leaving tomorrow morning to Hawaii for our anniversary...28 years...I missed my 25th due to his crisis...but I can no longer look back...just like when I was DB'ing...I have to keep looking forward...and so does H
Excellent recommendation, Grace. That was one of the more interesting book I read in the last year (had to be the last year based on its placement on my bookshelf). Everyone on this board should read it.
Actually I have to stay connected even on vacation because I am a self employed supervisor of a security company and need to be accessable via phone and/or email most of the time...the good part is I choose the time...it is tax deductible...and I get paid even when I am on vacation!!!
I am having a wonderful time already...weather is awesome...can hardly wait for my 1st Maitai tonight...I already know the best place to get one here in Kona so that is my plan for tonight!!!
I have felt this overwelming feeling of letting go tonight. The last few days have been very odd....H blew up at me Friday night then called everyone I knew and even went looking for me so he could apologize. I talked to him some yesterday and said I understood. Today however he went to see the OW with my kids, and then I found out that he took them with him looking for me friday night and they thought I was hurt or something!! I was so upset over it that I when I did talk to him, I blew up at him and said somethings I shouldnt have. Then I told him that maybe I should just tell the OW what he had been up to....he then BEGGED me not to. You guys....me and him have never had a "real argument". This was a first and it was so liberating to me. He is mad. Blamed me and the OW for being the ones playing games! Even acted like he wanted to cry....it was all such a put on to me. Ugh I finally told him "you know what, you go and be with the OW, it really doesnt matter to me anymore"...He did not like that.
It might have been a bad idea to engage in this argument, but it felt so good and right to me. I finally stood up to this man!
I really feel like I am letting go...I didnt care what I said to him, I just said what I felt. AND I didnt worry about what kind of reaction I was going to get from him. I wasnt for once worried about making him angry..
Am I letting go a little? I almost said to him...give me the papers already!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
My H called me last night....until I see things his way, I dont think we are going to get along....He keeps on and on. I let the machine pick up quite a few times and once he left a message, it said "Pick up..I have all night".
This morning I got a text from the OW. Asking me not to give up on my H. I wanted to call her and asked If she would talk....she said she would...But I never did. Changed my mine. I just wanted to know what he was telling her. ANy way, then my H called me and wanted to tell me that Him and the OW were finished. There was not going to be any chance of them being together. Which before would have been what I wanted to hear. This time I werent so sure. I asked him what happened and he said that he and her had come to the decision and agreed that there would never be a chance for them. I just said ok. Then he said he was "single" now. Didnt know what was going to happen. then made me feel bad for having him make a decision. I questioned him on that. He said he had made the decision to tell her NOT to take him back. Mainly he was afraid I was going to tell her something to hurt her feelings and he didnt want to give me a reason to. Throwing it back at me. He didnt make the decision based on his feelings, he made it based on what he THOUGHt I was going to do or say.
In the last few days I have seen this man manipulate me, play games, try to control my emotions and when he didnt....he lost it! Got mad, upset and angry and still cant explain why he is mad at me!
He is seeing the therapist today. BECAUSE he said he wants to find out what is going on with him. This man that I have been dealing with is not the same man he was a year ago. He has sooo far to go.
I have finally seen what you all say by letting go. The only thing that is hurting me right now is that I am trying not to let him get to me with his blaming me...that is all he has done the last few days is tried to blame me for everything and make me feel bad....But I dont. I didnt do this. He did.
Wow, it has taken a year to get here....actually a year and 2 months. He is crazier than every. Finally though he is seeing he is getting worse....but he is blaming it on me. I have no idea why. I dont think he knows either.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
AHHH THE BLAME GAME , SORRY TO SAY HE IS NOWHERE NEAR TO COMING OUT OF THE TUNNEL...HE HAS A LONG WAY TO GO
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I agree totally....a LONNNNGGGGG way to go. But I am in a better place now to deal with it. Or actually just to get a life!!!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I cant seem to get much feed back from anybody lately....
My H went to his first therapy session yesterday. All he said was it went good. They basically just talked about his childhood history. He goes back again. Dont know when. I talked to him this morning. We talked alittle bit about his session. Not specifics though. Mainly talked about how weird his therapist was. We talked about the schedule with the kids this weekend. Im not feeling too good today, so we talked abit about that. My H said he wasnt mad at me anymore. I just said ok. He seemed much more upbeat today. He wanted me to ask his landlord to call him. She works for me. I am assumming he wants to renew his lease with them. It goes out in March and they had been asking if he was going to renew and he had said he didnt know. Guess now he knows.
I feel ok today. I didnt wake up feeling bad this morning about things. The hole in my heart is seeming to get better.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Don't call the OW. She has nothing to say you need to hear. Is there a way to block her texts on your phone? I'm not very savy that way, but if it's possible I would. I don't even think this is the point to talk with your H about her. It's just drama you don't need.
I'm glad he's seeing a C, but if he thinks the therapist is wierd....maybe another one? Or could it just be he'd think any therapist is wierd at this point?
Glad you're not feeling bad. Somedays that's the best i can do.
