It's good that you have kids that you can sink your time into. They need you as much as you need them right now.
I was just as obsessed at the snooping. I looked in every nook and cranny, sometimes over and over again. You do it because you want to know the truth. But at the same time, it hurts. Please try to stop just because you're causing yourself more pain. The more you know, the more you hurt. I know you're also doing it to see if he is still lying to you.
I can relate to the intimacy, too. I probably came on too strong with my H as well. But he never denied me! It could be it was too soon for you. I would back off as it is very pursuing. You don't want to come on too strong.
If you're not sure how to apply the DB principles, start out by setting small goals for yourself. Post them here and get some feedback. I would make one: stop snooping.
Busy yourself with other things to get past the snooping. What are you doing for yourself? Your mental health is very important right now. The better you feel about yourself, the more prepared you will be to handle the sitch.
