CONTACTING OW/OW'S HUSBAND

[ediemarie]

Hi Kikidee - I posted on the retrouvaille topic - wanted to swing by and take a look at your sitch...

In a nutshell, I think you need to take the focus off your H, off OW, off OW's H and back to you. Even now while you are working on yourself or thinking about working on yourself you are doing it specifically to win H back. That's not going to work. Work on you to get yourself to a place of confidence, peace, and happiness. You may have lost your H and your M. You may not have. Focus on the facts. Your h lies, or has lied in the past, you can't trust him, and that's not the best example for your kids. The other fact is that you can't fix him. You can't make him stay, you can't control him, you can't affect change in him. Not directly anyway. Just focus on you - the one person you can control.

I, too, have issues with people lying. It bothers me. I don't like it when others live a lie - but who am I to point that out to everyone? I blew my H's A wide open because I was hurt and I wanted to hurt him - I also wanted his A to end - and I thought that telling everyone would help that. IT DIDN'T. IT MADE IT WORSE. It made my H believe that he couldn't trust me. He couldn't confide in me. I was willing to air HIS dirty laundry to the whole world - who wants to be married to that? YUCK.

Just be conscious of the fact that your actions are visible to H. Right now I think you are running in circles frantically wringing your hands. Stop. You can't do anything to stop your H from lying, from cheating, from not being with you. You CAN make yourself happy by filling your life and the lives of your children with stability and peace.

If H were to see you right now, and see what you are doing, what would he think? Would you be someone he would be attracted to, or someone he wasn't so sure about, or someone he knew he didn't want? What happened in your M to get to this point? What is that your M is missing that H felt the need to look elsewhere? I ask this only because it may help you focus on what you can do to improve yourself.

Em