Maybe he is drinking and I just don't know it cause I dont talk to him, maybe that's why he looks like crap...he felt comfortable enough to come in the other night and eat something and fall asleep on my couch..I of course didn't make a deal of it at all...acted like it was another day....that was so hard...but I did it...and I was so proud of myself...
And if it wasn't about the OW, wouldn't he be seeing different one and not sticking with the same one for 1 1/2 years now?
Treese
I would not be surprised if he is drinking, or worse. But, we don't know, and it doesn't excuse anything if he is.
As far as th OW goes, I think there is a lazy streak in the MLCer. So, I think he will be content to hang on to OW as long as he can. From reading a bunch of these threads it really seems like a lot of them stay with one OP, thought there are certainly "serial adulterers" too.
D15 is pretty smart! I think she is right about who stands to be the biggest loser in this!
It is not a "lazy streak" as to why they are with OW it is because OW provides a quick fix, a high, if you will. She supplies a temporary high to help him forget/escape his problems.
It is like an addict who needs more drugs.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Why would that be a lazy streak if they are with one OW? I disagree with that. Some men prefer being with one person instead of many.
It is easier to be with one person, especially if they are living together.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I think there must be a disconnect between my brain and my fingers! I was trying to say that I think they are more likely to keep one OW, even if it looks like the relationship isn't so good, rather ta go to the trouble of finding a new one. I think MLC relationships follow way different rules than "normal" ones! I think that in general the MLC will be looking for easy, so yes one OW at a time, and that one as long as they can, rather than serial affairs. Of course, I could be wrong, and I am sure that there are so many exceptions that there is no rule!
Treese and I talked on phone for an hour this morning..it was two woman with same sad story, same sad lines just many miles between us! But not anymore....cuz we have cell phones and TEXTING!!! LOL LOL
hang in here Treese! hang in there!!!!
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
Treese and I talked on phone for an hour this morning..it was two woman with same sad story, same sad lines just many miles between us! But not anymore....cuz we have cell phones and TEXTING!!! LOL LOL
hang in here Treese! hang in there!!!!
I thought you guys might get along!
Don't forget your old friends, Treese!
(((((Treese))))) (((((Sandyof5))))) [It's what I do, I can't help it!]
Treese, hang in there. You're hurt, but he's not thinking of you. I worked hard to stop taking personally, the stuff my wife does and says.
She's filed for divorce, she blames literally everything on me, and now she is attempting to take the kids away from me. Forever. It is unspeakably terrible, what she is doing to our family. And the same is true for you. It's horrible.
In my wife's case, in her heart she really believes she is blameless somehow, and she really believes I am to blame for every problem she has, she believes I am hiding money from her, she believes that I am unfaithful to her, and I have been for a long time; she believes I want to take the kids from her. It is crazy kooky. I go down the list and without fail, all the crimes she accuses me of are things she has done to me, but none of them are things I have ever done to her.
But I look at it as a disease. If they had cancer and couldn't get out of bed, would I take it personally? If she were in a car accident and lost mobility and I had to push her around in a wheelchair, would I take it personally? Probably not. I sure hope not. I look at her current condition as the same.
Is this just a protective stance by me? Am I only pretending she is not evil, to protect my own feelings for her? I don't know for sure. I just cannot imagine how she could turn from my partner and wife to someone so aggressively antagonistic toward me, without some sort of mental event, something throwing a wrench into her brain or heart. So I think it is a disease. And I don't take it personally.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Along those same lines, W's brother once had a psychotic break from reality. He started having paranoid hallucinations, started imagining people were out to get him. He was very confused. He had been carrying a Palm Pilot of mine - if you don't know what that is, it is an electronic personal info manager, this was maybe 8 years ago. They were $400 or so. He somehow thought that the Palm Pilot was evil and "they" were tracking him via the device. So while driving in a car, he threw it out the window. Smash! into a million pieces. But I didn't take it personally. He was obviously nuts.
These MLCers are a little less obvious, but they are still nuts. Really. It is a form of crazy (my layman's term).
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
