Hello Mr. MLC!!!!

[mymonkeybug]

OK I did the big goof of some newbies and was all over the board the first 2 months but want to get all my sitch. in 1 thread so I can get peoples advice and opinions.

History-

H and I married for 15 years and 2 wonderful kids later...

August 07' he tells me he feels lonely and neglected because I was always working on a home based business and he would go to bed alone. I immediately fixed that by turning off computer when I know he is on his way home from work.

Sept. 07' we go to Disney with other family of mine and have a great time

Oct. 07' we have a big heated discussion about money and how the economy is sinking and we will be effected like everyone else-we have always been careless with our money like many people as well-I explain to him that something just doens't seem right within him, like a depressive state and he agrees he is in some sort of FUNK and I suggest since he has no vacation time left to go away on his own for some alone time that he spend a few days at a friends house or his parents so when he gets off work at night he can retire to a room alone and do some soul searching without the distractions of home, kids, wife, etc...he seems relieved I suggest that and agrees to do it. He packs for a week and leaves for work on a Mon. morning, goes to a bar that night and then asks me if he can come home and I said of course if you are sure you are ready. He came home put his head in my lap and cried professing he loves us and doesn't want to lose us and that he is sorry or being so selfish. I tell him we will be OK and he says he will fix whatever is wrong with him so he doesn't lose us.

Nov. 07'-he is forced into a paycut at work, big life shocker since we were iving a lifestyle that this new paycut wouldn't allow anymore so major adjustments needed but I had also gone back to work PT after our youngest went off to all day kindergarten which was what H and I always agreed upon

Dec. 07'-Holiday season and he is Mr. Grinch all month because of money but we joke about it often-then along comes Dec. 20th-we have another discussion about money and how the mortgage os late for the month and the mortgage co. doesn't seem to be willing to work with us but we are getting it together, I explain to him that he still seems off emotionally and mentally like a depression. Dec 21st-I call him after he left for work and tell him I can't keep walking on eggshells not knowing how he will react and what kind of mood he is in and suggest again he spend some time away to get his thoughts together and he agrees. My mom took him out to lunch that same day that I was unaware of and he opened up to her that his problems are money i.e. never having enough, always ahving to borrow from her, not having enough money for Xmas, feeling like he is at a dead end job, the paycut, etc... Dec. 22nd-He comes home to do some stuff around the house and won't even talk to me so I get angry and throw things and turn into Ms. B*tch as usual, he then comes in the house a couple hours later and whamo out of the blue-yes I was not expecting this, "ILYBNILWY" and also says he can't do this anymore and feels unfulfilled as if there are things in his life yet to do that he never did and that he wants out. Of course I suggested marriage counseling to which he said that no one will make him put on a happy face and come home because he just doesn't feel it for me anymore. Yep all this 3 days before Xmas.

Since then he has claimed that we were never compatible and were just always comfortable and habit for each other. He has softened a great deal over the last 2-3 weeks but still isn't coming home. Spends every night at 7:30 calling the kids and comes over every Thurs. and Sun. to be with them. He moved in with his parents but I know doesn't stay there all the time as he has said before he stays around town where he works. I believe he had at minimum an EA with a female friend from Oct.-Dec. 07 which seems to now be long over with. He insists there never was nor is anyone else because he truly is happy now being alone without having to rush home to his family and can be the real HIM now. He is partying more than ever and refuses to tell me anything about his life insisting he is fine and that it is his business. I insisted he take his clothes the day after he left in Dec. because it hurt so much to see the closet full of his things and smell him on his clothes whenever I got dressed and I also packed a box of his things and he after 3 weeks took it. Yes, I did that in hopes he would say keep it I am coming home, you know all those dumb things we do to get them back.

So I have GAL and done 180's with myself and he seems to be more friendly with me now and we are very civil. Our S8 is having the roughest time and we are in therapy for it and H does go when he is requested to by therapist. H still refuses to admit that he may have MLC or depression. Now keep in mind this is the H that gloated about how I completed him and we were the envy of all our friends because he showered me with love and was the type of H that showed up with flowers for no reason and I was the W that all his friends were envious of because I never kept him on a choker chain and his friends always told him what an awesome marriage he had and how they wished for theirs to be just like his. Heck he still does for me around the house like fix things, get fire wood, cut kindling, etc...whenever I ask. He is still so drawn to us here but can't live here because he "doesn't feel it for me anymore." On another note, for a man professing ILYBNILWY he never stopped making love with me and doing all those sweet little husbandly things that a man does when he really loves his wife. The only difference ever noticed by me was about 3 years ago when the sexual roles reversed and I became the agressor and he the non agressor but we would joke about that being the 30's for you. Our roles just reversed from when we were in our 20's.

So my thoughts are that he is major MLC. The money stresses just became too much and he snapped-they were the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. And 3 weeks ago he asked if he could have his half of the income tax return to buy a $2100 mountain bike-one of his major hobbies-to which I said when it comes in I will give you your half. I can't control what he does with it. Then he calls lastweek asking if he can buy a new truck to which I responded with the hey this is your life now and I can't tell you what to do if you want it then it is your choice to buy it or not and he went on about how he knows our situation, etc..., etc.... so he didn't buy it and apologized for bothering me. We can barely make the mortgage payments each month now and he knows that but wants to spend crazy. He now insists the house HAS to be sold because we can't afford it but I have taken a second part time job in an affort to put that off as long as possible because if he wants to come back I would like him to come back to our HOME. However I would be willing to move back closer to his work in hopes that would being him home also. We bought this house 3 years ago and it is very far-an hour plus-away from his work and that has always bothered him. He said he never had time to be dad and see his kids so now that he is gone that really isn't any different but it is because the kids didn't care if they onyl saw him for 5 minuted before bed. The thing is, he still allows me access to ALL his money to pay all the bills and comes to me to get his allowance so to speak after I do the bills. That is the way it always was though, I handled the finances and he knew we were always a pay check to pay check family which bothered the heck out of him. Another note, we almost lost both houses we have owned to foreclosure and I think deep down insid he resents me for that since I pay the bills. I also believe since the paycut happened he felt we would certainly lose this one to foreclosure and left because he told me the last time the almost foreclosure happened that if it happened again it would probably be the end of us.

OK sorry for the book but since I gooofed in the early stages of being here on the board I wanted to try and condense things so I can start getting opinions and advice from some of the veterans here. It just seems to me that it is MLC because we all know how men define themselves by their jobs and their money, etc...