YEAH MY h STILL THINKS HE DIDNT HAVE A CRISIS...WHEN HE TOLD HIS SIS HE WAS COMING HOME....HER COMMENT WAS"SO YOURE MIDLIFE CRISIS IS OVER..."
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
My h I think is about one of the only ones on here that figured out on his own that he was in a MLC. I think that is only because his B went through it, left his W for a while then returned too earth after a few months. Heck I even think all but one of h's siblings have been thru it. Was Social Services able to help you?
You really do have an amazing attitude. It Took me a few months. That may be because H never left, and sometimes I think it makes it all harder. Even though the goal is for them to stay.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
OMG,,,I just read your sitch...we have so much in common...but you've probably heard that from a lot of people here. Our children are even almost the same ages..scary...and I've noticed a lot of the MLCer's have 3 children...or maybe I'm just drawn to those...I don't know...don't know much of anything anymore.. you did make me laugh..
I've done everything you have done...yelled at the steering wheel, cried with it...of course got no hugs from it...and I too know way too much about MLC...my friends tell me to just move on with my life as my H has been very cruel...he was a family man...never in a zillion years would I have thought I would be going through this either....I told him I thought we had a fairy tale marriage,,,,his reponse, "you did?"...wow...his OW is a girl from our past...we all did things together...hate her now...
My kids also know how much I love their dad and want him to come home but my D15 says its his fault...if he is happy without us that's his loss..it will bite him in the butt some day and he will have to pay the price..smart girl..my D21 wants nothing to do with her dad...I will not lie to my children...if they ask something I tell them the truth...I dont' give details but the truth...H got an ipod for christmas that he said he won at work...LIE LIE LIE....OW bought it for him...we even helped him download songs to it, even D15.. I told him he is to tell the children where he really got it and he said he would, did he? NO! of course not. that would make him look bad..Althought D21 is not stupid she sees right through her dad and said she is tired of his lies and games. Says her dad is depressed, in a mid life crisis or both...I'm like you...how come everyone else sees it except them...doesn't make sense... Once when I was reading about MLC..H found the book and laughed at me and said, He's not having a MLC, that it is how he feels, and why don't I just understand that...He's not in love with me anymore....Whatever....
So, I wanted you to know I did the EXACT things you did and are doing..would love to talk to you...if you ever want to here is my number 614-562-1433.. I think we are on the same page...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
they love to say that is how they feel and they are the same person they have always been...that was a goodie.haha oh and he didnt see himself changing from this new thought on life
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Lets see..My H called to "talk" about finances. I first prayed. It was ugly but I kept it together and mostly listened. Then I mentioned his affair. He denied. I didnt say too much. He told me he would be pursuing a new relationship and I needed to except it. I was pretty unmoved by it. "creepy calm" you might want to call it.He proceeded to tell me everything I did wrong ....again. I kept quiet. Im getting so good at this. It went on for a while then he had to go. I ended convo with " H sooo many people all over this country are praying for you and our family..sooo many..we are so blessed...so very very blessed"
He said nothing but a calm "bye"
( I think I might have hit "something". we shall see.)
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
Sandy you have it all together...I wish you were talking to my H..the good thing is I'm going longer between screw ups...LOL!!
I need to use the line about people praying for us....that was good...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I can NOT stress enough how blessed you are in this to have support of FIL. It does not happen here. If you are praying hard ... be sure to express your thanks for that.
Keep breathing, taking one step at a time, and staying alert behind the wheel. You wouldn't want to miss a golden opportunity if your H and non-existent OW happened to be crossing the street.
Was2sad...you are too funny about H and non-existent OW crossing the street!! LOL. He was so funny yesterday..claiming she and he were NOT in a relationship and in next breath telling me "whatever you do...DO NOT breath her name to ANYONE she could get in a LOT of trouble" LOL ooohh the temptation....
He also told me "you told D16 that I didnt pay the cable/internet bill ( he didnt. it was truth plain and simple)) and thats emotional abuse" huh??
Ok question....anyone else's darling midlifer tell them that "they didnt love them for 7 no 10 no wait 15 no no no wait I never loved you" and then I asked "what about the great anniversary cards and etc etc etc etc" to have him say " Oh I faked it" Sigh.
Anyone? Please tell me I'm not alone..I think Treese told me her H said this to her too?
Are we having fun yet?
Oh and I love my H dearly and miss him terribly ..the OLD guy he was not this new version. This new version sucks!!! ( can I say that?) Anywho...as much as I miss the guy and am counting the days till he comes back to us, I'm listing the POSITIVE things about having him gone..such as...
Less laundry. None of his body hair all over bathrrom floor. Toilet seat up/down is a non issue. I have been able to clean out his old manuals that he will never use and has been holding onto forever. They are gone.
Of course I would trade all of these things in a heartbeat to have him back home,smiling, happy,loving and joking around.
Ohhh and he told me that since he left me a "black cloud" has been lifted from him...I was a black cloud? Huh? Black does happen to be my best color...had he said gray now THAT would have been a differant story...
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
My H apologised for not telling me what I wanted to hear, but he had to tell me the truth and get it off his chest. Our marriage was bad for the past year, then 5 years, then quickly jumped to well actually he had never been happy, felt pressured into marriage, had put up with my constant jealousy for long enough, I was hell to live with. He then sprung back to say a part of him will always love me after all I'm the mother of his children.
My answer was, make your Bl***Y mind up, you can't have never loved me, but will always love me........... Duh!! it's one or the other.
