Thanks W2Go! That was nice to hear. I really am so touched by everyones caring and enthusiasim on my thread, if only my xBF could be a little bit more like that ! Heres the old one last thread
Oh well, had to happen didnt it! Crashed again this morning. Woke up and thought, if things were steadily improving, as they had seemed to be, he would have said "call you over the weekend" as he had before. He wouldnt have added the get out clause of "perhaps" on the end. I've been in floods of tears! I just miss him so much...why doesnt he miss me? I'm fab ! I'm funny ! (well, sometimes), I can play Radiohead songs! (badly). Where else is he going to find a woman like me ?? He obviously is under the impression he can! :-/
I know he has been emailing me daily, and they have been getting longer, but I wonder if it doesnt reflect the fact that HE is doing better. He may be more settled in his bachelor pad now, he has been out playing Squash (no, I dont play T, not without an ambulance on hand), hes been to the pub, he went to the cinema last night. He's just getting on, living his life and maybe feeling better in himself, not as sad, bad, guilty and hating himself as much as he was.
I also keep thinking about the way he pulled that terrible sad face at me last week at the door after we hugged, and then stood and rubbed my arm for a while, it just smacked of pity. Nothing more?
I havent texted him so far yet (its 10 am!), it feels scary too... I'm not sure what to say and I dont want to be rejected. And its cloudy and I woke up with a cold :-( , so I dont think I can causally say, hey I'm going biking. I guess my friend was right to be worried about me, I had got my hopes and expectations up and when reality hits home (another weekend you wake up alone and its maybe 4 months since he made the decision to leave me now)..then it hurts all over again. I miss him so much! I feel like I got myself in a pickle over the word "perhaps", thanks Purr for pointing it out its either neutral or positive. But it just seems, like, well perhaps i'll call you, unless I end up having an alright weekend and I dont need to call you...
