You are probably right - she is not a book reader anyway.
I am taking the kids swimming Friday night as W has to work as a waitress, but have the rest of the weekend to myself. I will probably get some workouts in, hit a bucket of balls, and finish my taxes on Sat or Sun (which ever one is yucky weather). I actually am considering going out to a bar (I dont drink and I dont like bars) to see a guy I work with play in his band. That would be something different to keep me out of my lonely quiet house.
I also have a couple emails received and sent on plentyoffish.com as I have a profile on there of just looking for a friend/someone to hang out with. I was specifically looking for others there that are seperated so as to have someone in a similar situation to talk face to face with. I just dont have any other friends that have time to do things with me now. I do need to use caution as I dont want to go out with anyone looking for an R since I am still committed to saving my own M.
I think I will also look into joining some of the outdoor/hiking groups at meetup.com to keep myself busy during this lengthy time of waiting for my W to figure out what she wants in life.
I agree with Grace. She will come around in her own time. My sitch is about the same as far as her turning around in her own time. In the very beginning she was making all sorts of changes, being more attractive to em in the process, and was telling me that she was the happiest she has ever been... free, etc.
Then she started looking like she was not sleeping. Wehn asked why, she said it was because she was worried about me... the LBH! Ha! I think it was more because she was feeling guilty. Anyway, sorry for the digression. I had made an appointment for a mediator for me and my WAW but she never responded for the best time for her. She felt it was something that would benefit me and interrogate her. She was totally wrong there. But it serves as an example. I did notice that the last visit to the house, she has a lot of the books that I was reading about parenting the children after divorce.
I hope that it is not firming her view on D, but that is up to her not me. Anyway, i know how things can seem to others, i have had that happen.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
I would caution you to be careful with the plenty of fish contacts. I know that people say that want "friends". I also know how vulnerable we all are. There's nothing wrong with having women friends, but you need to be careful of the situations you put yourself in (IMO). I know that there are groups around me of men and women respectively that get together for different activities. You can even find them on craig's list.
An intersting read (no, don't recommend it to your spouse) is "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" by judith Wallerstein. It is based on a 25 year (limited) study. I found it a worthwhile read.
Enjoy the weekend and do get out some. It's good for the soul.
Yes, indeed I must use caution with the fish contacts. I have gotten so patient waiting for my W to come around and I dont want to blow that by getting a girlfriend now.
Thanks for the tip about craigslist. They have all kinds of groups there (laughing group, satanic breast feeding group, etc..). I should be able to find something of interest.
I would much prefer to find some group that is all males.
The "Hold onto your N.U.T.s" book has as one of its 8 betterman tools to develop trusting relationships with other men. Maybe I should look into something like the Mason's.
I just noticed that I will be receiving "Why Did I Get Married" from NetFlix tomorrow. Has anyone seen this movie before? Apparently it deals with various marriage problems and it is supposed to be quite good.
I think I'll check out the book just for giggles. Afterall, with a title like that.....
I haven't seen the movie, but I've heard it's pretty funny. I've found that some movies get to me in a negative way. All I do then is turn it off. Then again some have had a surprisingly positive effect. I hope it's good.
The "N.U.T.s" in the book title stands for "Non-Negotiable Unalterable Terms". Basically, it is the personal things us guys can't give in on. The second half of the book is all about the 8 betterman tools which are really great. This is a book that probably is not that useful for women. It is my favorite of all the R books I have ever read. The author has a very interesting web site: http://www.bettermen.org/
I have decided to go skiing by myself tomorrow. I will probably blow out my knee as I am a telemark skier, but what the heck, I haven't been skiing by myself since I have been married.
Watch those knees. I've been doing smith squats and aside from building up my quads, it's really helping my knees. Enjoy the skiing.
Thanks for the inside on the book, but I'm always up for learning something new. Even if it doesn't apply to me. I'm just a squirel that stores stuff away. You never know when you'll be able to pass along or use a peice of info.
Hey kerryK! Haven't checked on you in a week. Glad W seems to be coming to her senses, even if only in a baby-step way. Hopefully she can do some C to get herself straightened out. Our MC says H and I can't progress much further until his does the same. A lot of his "stuff" is "His Stuff" and he has to work on it so we can work on us. Maybe you are going to be the same way. Sucks for your kids to be pointing out W's kisses to OM, for them to have to be in the middle of things.
I agree to be leery about the online friends thing. I want friends, too. My sister is no doubt sick of hearing about my troubles. But I know personally the lack of FEELING loved by H has me vulnerable. I am actually worried that when I go back to work full time I will be leaving myself vulnerable if someone (male) starts to give me attention, make me feel special, etc. The only man in my life I want is my H but I know that 8 months of desperately wanting to FEEL loved may make me weakened if I am around a guy who wants to give that to me. So just guard yourself in your discussions with others and I am sure you will be fine. Good luck and I will check back soon!
