What can I say that hasn't already been said? Congrats I knew things would go well for you. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes I am a mess. Your current sitch will give others so much hope so keep up the good work. We need more threads like yours around here.
Me 38 WAW 29 D 4 Married 9 Together 11 Bomb June 07 Separated Jan 08 Reconciled May 08 awesome, happy, and blessed
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
W called yesterday to say "Hi" and chat. Conovo went well and then I told her that I could not stop thinking about her and that dinner was amazing... like when we first started dating. In a very cute way she said "Ricky... I just called to say hi... let's not get into anything heavy every time we speak." I agreed and said just wanted to let you know how good it was to see you and you looked amazing! She liked that.
1 hour later I texted her and said I understood, no more R talk and that I was heading out for the night with the boys.
Right after that the texts started flying in....
1. She suggested a long weekend in the Berkshires the weekend of 3/14. - I said sounds good.
2. She said that one of her best friends misses me. - I said that I missed her friend's cooking and if her friend wanted a man I'm with about 10 guys that are good to go. She thought that was hilarious
3. She then got heavy and texted...
I now understand what is important... I have this figured out... thank you for you patience.
She is moving toward you and you are letting it happen.
Pretend she is your brand new girlfriend! Enjoy it!
But, also know that she will have times where she second-guesses herself...just be ready, and focus on the positives.
Attaboy.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
I now look at my wife as my girlfriend. Time for her to chase fishy boy.
Yes... I am sure the doubts will pop into her mind soon and I am ready... if she says she has doubts... i will say i understand, i feel the same way, but at this moment I am happy.
Congrats Fish! You're in a great spot. I've very happy for you, especially because you are anticipating the pitfalls that may (will probably) happen. All the best to you!
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Fish, I never knew you before today and still...I have tears in my eyes! What a wonderful story! What a huge blessing! WHAT A REASON FOR US TO HOPE!
I agree, let her make the moves. From what I'm reading, she has definitely felt smothered at some point. I'm a woman who doesn't like that either! Be loving and honest, but balance it out and be mysterious at the same time :-)
I am just SO happy for you!
M: ten years BS23, BS17 Step-SS20, SS16, SS14 Separated: August 07
Yes fish, the girlfriend analogy is right on! You have to recognize that the R you had before is dead, it's gone and it's now time to rebuild something new and better. By letting her drive for awhile you are showing that you are not afraid of being vulnerable and that you don't have to be in control all the time. I'd say that's the sign of a real man, wouldn't you?
Yes, I do. I really am starting to give up control and it seems to be working. I listened intently at dinner and my wife said that I need to learn to let things happen naturally to not force everything. She specifically said that when I push she gets this feeling like she needs to walk away. She knows that is not the right thing to do but that is just who she is.
Now that I know that, I no longer push. Our relationship has really changed. Instead of me being the dominant one I am now looking at her as a partner. Unfortunately we are not completely on the same page, but hopefully we will get there.
I was shocked last night when she texted me saying "I now understand.... I have things figured out.. thank you for your patience." In my eyes, that was a huge step forward.
Playing it cool. To be honest, I really am enjoying the space. It's the best of both worlds... I'm spending time with W and the kidlet and I've got a lot of freedom. Not bad.
My W just called and agreed to our family pool party at the local Hilton. Should be a lot of fun. My D is soooo excited. When she heard the news she ran upstairs and started packing. Cute.
W also said the following...
I need to discuss ground rules with you. I am not ready to get into a full blown affair with you. Let's have a nice family night with no heavy discussions or pressure.
I started laughing and said "Of course, no problem, I just thought that this would be awesome for our daughter." She said great I'll bring the wine! -- We go from ground rules and family pool party --- "I'll bring the wine for us after D goes to sleep."
She then asked me "Do you have any ground rules for me?" Again I started to laugh and said no... I have no rules for you. Just be yourself and have a great time.
