I'm going to tell you what a fine young man told me tonight about his parents' D. His mom took off Christmas week. He despises her for that and is so very worried about his dad.
But he spent the night at my house last night because he doesn't know how to deal with his dad. Hid dad is angry - that is something he deserves to be - I know - but his child doesn't want to deal with that anger. He doesn't know what to do. This is a 19 YO, so he can go where he wants to, but if his dad would just chill, he'd have one of the most important things that ever happened to him right there with him. We're allowed to be angry. But our kids want us to remain their parent. They need that from us.
We're conflicted when faced with these demons. The kids are, but if they can't get past our pain, they can't get on to theirs.
Bottom line. We have to leave them out of it even if our STBX's have a tendency to draw them into it. Mine tried. Once he realized that was not a place I would go, he quit. Funny how that worked.
Of course, I was with my boys when all this happened. I could hug them and help them with homework. You'll be there soon enough.
It seems to me that you're trying this tactic. Keep it up.
