FLTC, if you end up receiving a divorce you don't want -- do only what you can emotionally do. Your kids will still love you. My XH and I were married 25 years -- he decided he didn't want to be married. He told our kids, "Nothing will change except mom and I won't be married." A little MLC, brand new red truck, and I don't know what. People told me, well you might as well be okay with him, you have children and grandchildren. You will have to interact with him and be nice at functions for them. Guess what? I lived my life doing what was for the good of everyone and now I live my life working as many jobs as I can to make ends meet. I don't see him and I don't speak to him. I don't think there was anything in our marriage that was so horrible -- yet he chose to leave.
I miss our family. I can only believe God must have something he wants from me as he placed a guardian angel in my life. She and I had known each other for a long time on a very casual basis, but she was the person who pulled me out of my abyss. I had my Colt loaded, round chambered, and finger on the trigger when she unexpectedly walked through the front door of the house my family spent their whole lives in. The task of being the LBS left to sort through all our memories ... I still struggle about 50% of the time but I will not waste my time being "nice" to my XH so he can feel okay about his choice.
I can certainly have empathy for your thoughts of being alone when you have shared your life and future with someone for so long. The consolation is I only have myself to congratulate or blame for my successes or failures.
You sound like a very grounded person. I wish you all the best in whatever your future may hold. I would advise you to do what you can emotionally do and not worry about what anyone thinks you should do.
